Monday, November 25, 2013

mosses monday XLVIII



jumping ahead in my mosses love story,
i'm going to share something
very few know.

~@~

to put it mildly,
mosses' paid care at the end of his life
was lacking.
we knew because a nurse
at methodist hospital
brought it to our attention
and
another of his sitters,
a new sitter,
elaborated.

mosses' sweet niece, susie,
tried to address it,
but it fell on seemingly deaf ears.

i tried to address it,
but it fell on
ears
not appearing to want
to listen and deal
with his lack of care.

me: please, do something.
the person in charge: i don't know what to do;
i'm hearing two different stories.
me: you can believe me.
i am not an heir.
you know how much i love mosses...
he is my only motive!
the person in charge: (silence)
me: please, you have got
to do something!

~@~

i didn't know until
after mosses' passing
that i was a benefactor.
on a sunny afternoon in august
after he died,
the mailman delivered
a large, yellow, legal envelope
with a copy of mosses' will inside of it.

a lump developed in my throat.
i wasn't really shocked 
that mosses had been so kind to me...
he was always kind to me.

however,
the lump grew as i continued to read.
i remembered the silence
i had experienced
on the other end of the phone
when i had called
begging for
mosses' care to be addressed.

part of me was overflowing with gratefulness
 mosses had thought so much of me
as to have left me such a generous gift.
however,
the other part of me felt 
horrible.
mosses intended for me
to feel his love.
all i felt was
empty.

did "his person in charge"
choose to not listen to me
because she thought i knew
i was a benefactor
and
had some sort of motive?

i felt sick.

~@~

however,
today's story is about
thanksgiving.
no one on this earth will ever
truly understand the thankfulness
i experience everyday
when i think of mosses.
but i do indeed think of him

e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.

with an overflowing, thankful
heart...

many times a day,
everyday, actually.

every time
i look into these eyes


you see,
i missed mosses so much,
i took part of the money he gave me
and bought her.

i have never regretted this decision;
she has been the embodiment of mosses'
love.
her love is unconditional,
transcending,
and 
constant.

~@~

i took the rest of my inheritance
and
gave most of it to a family who was hurting,
who was in need.

~@~

sometimes i feel guilty
that i didn't do what mosses 
might have had me do
with his gift,
and
then i look at maggie.
i know he knows how much i love her,
how much i need her,
and how much she loves me.

as tears flow down my face
i find myself smiling.
he knows
his gift couldn't have been appreciated
more.

(to be continued)

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side par entitled, "our love story":)

No comments: