my two little loves...

today, i am going to spend
the ENTIRE day
with these two...

katherine and jacob:)



off to ihop for pancakes:P

have a lovely day, all;
i intend to do so:D

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

mosses monday XXXVIII...

apparently, mosses was NOT READY!!!

(2 days prior, the intensive care doctor
had given mosses only 2 days to live...
as his vital organs were ceasing to function.

however, the doctor never took into account
mosses' will to live... nor God's omnipotence.)

~@~

as soon as i walked outside the hospital doors, i turned on my cell phone and called john, "guess who is awake and talking!"

there was silence.

"john, are you there?" i asked.

john responded, "i'm here..."

"john, i just came from seeing mosses... john, he's awake and talking! his kidneys are functioning! he wants a toddy!"

john was stunned. he had warned me several times not to get my hopes up...

"well, i'll be," he finally replied.
~@~

knowing mosses' family would want to spend time with him, john and i waited until the latest visiting time to return to the hospital that evening. i was just hoping mosses would still be awake.

at 8 pm the automatic doors opened allowing visitors back in the intensive care unit. i wanted to run to his room, but, instead, i walked at john's side.

when we FINALLY arrived at his door, the first thing i noticed was that mosses was NOT in his bed!
the bed was empty and made?

in slow motion, i anxiously turned my head toward john only to witness a big grin forming across his face. i turned back around to see that mr. moss was not only awake... he was out of his bed sitting in a chair.

further, there was no ventilator helping him breathe; there were no ties on his wrists restraining him.
he was just sitting there looking up at us!
~@~

"it's good to see you're back with us, young man..." john said as he gently patted mosses' shoulder, "feeling rough?"

mosses smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and tilted his head, "well, john, not too bad for a share cropper's son."

mosses' voice was raspy at best, but we understood every word.

i knelt down on the floor in front of him. "mosses you are such a blessing to..."

placing his hands on both sides of my face,
he interrupted, "no, you...
i cannot tell you right now, dani.
my voice... my throat...
but, when i am able to,
i am going to tell you all about where i've been."

"ok," i replied, "i cannot wait to hear all about it, mosses!"

i never spoke any truer words...
i couldn't wait to hear mosses' story.
~@~

john and i only stayed a bit longer that night. we knew that mosses was tired... it had been a BIG day for our dearest friend.

"sweet dreams; i love you mosses..." i said to him as i kissed his forehead.

"well, bless your heart, dani, we love you, too."
~@~

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)

maggiepie...

(my sweet, little puppy-dogger)

have a great weekend, loves:)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

mosses monday XXXVII...

"God, take him now if he is ready;
but, if he is not ready. leave him,
and leave him whole!!!"
(i had never prayed so boldly in my life.)

i started to cry.
i cried harder.
the harder i cried the more still mosses became.
i cried until i could cry no more.
mosses fought til he fought no more.

i sat there with my head lying on his still hand,
which was still embraced by both of mine...

both of us were spent.

~@~

a few moments later a nurses' aid saw  i was still in mosses' room. "miss, you are going to have to leave. visiting time was over 10 minutes ago."

wondering where the time had gone, i raised my head and looked at the clock on the wall . "can i stay for just a bit longer? he's calm now."

"no," she insisted, "you need to leave now so we can stay on schedule."

"schedule!!?!?" i thought to myself.

i kissed mosses' hand and told him i loved him.

~@~
as i was leaving i saw susie and jean were still there. i stopped and told them mosses had finally calmed down and he seemed to be resting peacefully. susie told me  mosses' nephew was planning to visit at noon. so, i told her and jean  i would wait until the 2pm visit to return. jean replied she would be there at that time as well.

i left the hospital that morning exhausted but at peace knowing that God was in total control of the situation.

~@~

time crept by very slowly that day...
every time my phone rang, my heart seemed to skip a beat...
no news was good news!

~@~

at a quarter till two, i walked out of my house and to my van then drove to the north tower of the hospital where mosses' room was located. i got out of the van, walked into the hospital, got into the elevator, watched the doors close, and felt myself start to ascend. everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

when the doors opened and i stepped out into the hallway, i saw jean leaning against the wall waiting for the icu doors to open.

"any news?" i asked.

she shook her head, "no."

"the dry cleaners said they would have mr. moss' black suit ready first thing in the morning. the boys (mrs. moss' nephews, charlie and rufus) will be coming into town tomorrow; so, i have the house ready for them to stay. the service will be on saturday..." she continued.

although i heard what she was saying, i digested very little of it.

~@~

the doors opened at 2pm sharp. as we walked through them, mr. mosses' nurse noticed us. "ladies," he addressed us, "come, you need to see something."

as we anxiously proceeded into mosses' room, we found him sleeping (just as i'd left him a little over 5 hours prior). my first assumption was that the nurse was only showing us he was finally resting.

however, i was wrong.

the nurse took mosses' hand in his and tapped it with his other hand, "mr. moss, mr. moss, you have visitors!"

at that very moment, mosses opened his eyes. then he turned his head toward me; looking right at me he said,
"well, dani, bless your heart."

he still had the ventilator in his mouth, but there was no misunderstanding his words.

tears of happiness started to flow from my eyes.

"mosses!" i squealed.

i looked at jean and then at the nurse.

"is he going to be alright?" i asked the nurse.

"well, it seems his kidneys started functioning again this morning, and his chest sounds are sounding more and more normal. dr. divine ordered another chest x ray, so we should know more about the pneumonia later this afternoon."

the whole time the nurse was talking i just looked at mosses. he was smiling around the sides of the vent.

i kissed his hand.

"i bet i know what you want..." i said to him.

he tilted his head to the side waiting for me to finish.

"a toddy!"

he grinned again and replied, "sounds mighty nice."

~@~

apparently, mosses was NOT READY!!!

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)

a little fall break

last sunday morning john packed the commander to overflowing and waved, "good-bye", as i backed my jeep out of the driveway and onto the lane. i waved back to him.

carrying precious cargo, katherine, jacob, hannah, and darin (aka... the scooby doo gang;), i drove 6 hours from the lane to our destination, the great smoky mountains!!!



late sunday afternoon, we arrived at our chalet, which i'd leased for the week. it was really nice... three bedrooms/three baths, a great room with pool table, big screen tv, and fireplace, a hot tub, and even dolly parton rockers, ha!!!

perfect:)))

the drive up???
not so much!!!



we decided that this would be a week of celebrations...

monday = halloween

we started monday off with the pancake pantry followed by photos in the village, a scary walk through the mysterious mansion, a ride up the sky lift, barbecued chicken pizza at the chalet and a scary movie!!!

tuesday = thanksgiving

we celebrated with a trip to ripley's aquarium, tepee pictures, and later at the chalet... relaxation in the the hot tub followed by turkey sandwiches... it was pouring rain, which meant no driving down the mountainside for me!!!







wednesday = Christmas

on wednesday we went to the outlet mall stimulating ralph lauren's economy and did a late lunch at tony roma's. we then went to the Christmas place in pigeon forge where we each bought Christmas tree ornaments for each other so that we could decorate a silk tree back at the chalet. what's Christmas without a little tree trimming??? after exchanging ornaments and decorating the tree, we finished out the day with brick oven pizza:P

oh... the scooby gang also happened upon a bear...



not to worry, after a call for help, i rescued them:/

(photo of said bear as we passed by it;)

thursday = new year's eve

we kicked off thursday's celebration with a trip to the log cabin pancake house. afterward, we headed over to pigeon forge for fun at magiquest, pictures at wonderworks, and cherry limeade at sonic. we returned to gatlinburg for old time photos, taffy, and fudge. after a nap, we ventured to corky's for barbecue nachos... then we returned to the chalet but not before stopping at food city for jacob's birthday cookie, sparkling cider, and a yule log for the fireplace... lol, none of this, however, to be outdone by the blow up babe we happened onto in the parking lot!!!

we've had a wonderful week;
i hope you have, too!!!

much love,
dani xx

ps. on second thought, i think i might should have entitle this post, "a LOT of fall noshing..." :P

a photographer and his subject...

(katherine elizabeth and "mr. steve")

~@~@~@~@~@~

you may remember these photos from a past post...

or these from another...

or maybe this STORY.

~@~@~@~@~@~

now, you can put "mr. steve" with a face:)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

ps. if you would like to visit his site, click HERE.

mosses monday XXXVI...

i found him in his darkened room with
a ventilator tied in his mouth
(he was blistered ear-to-ear from having
constantly been moving his face side-to-side
fighting the vent),
and his hands were tied to the sides of the bed.
his eyes were open but were "fixed".

i laid my head gently on his chest
and sobbed... "please, GOD, please..."

~@~
those weren't just words i uttered to God. i was pleading for Him to reveal Himself to me. i couldn't feel His presence and didn't like feeling alone. i wanted to know if i was supposed to tell my mosses it was okay to go or if i was supposed to tell him to keep fighting. i wanted to know if i was supposed to pray for a miracle or if i was supposed to pray for God to take him.

but, there was no answer.
~@~

just as the icu physician predicted, mosses' condition continued to deteriorate with each and every visit. the pneumonia had spread to his other lung, his fluid output had come to a near halt, and he had yet to regain consciousness.

the first 36 hours of the 48, which the doctor had given mosses', sped by so quickly. from wednesday night until friday morning i prayed for an answer from my Father.

there was a reason mosses' had told
me just the week prior that he was not
ready to die anytime soon, or so i thought.
still, no answer came.
~@~

on friday morning i arrived at the hospital for the 8am visitation. jean and mosses' two nieces were standing at the icu doors waiting to be allowed in to see him.

jean told me she had sent mosses' black suit to the dry cleaners and the eversons (life-long, church friends of the mosses) had begun to prepare a country ham for the bereavement dinner, etc... other arrangements were discussed, but i was too numb to absorb any more information.
the words "country ham" took me back in time to the many Christmases i'd spent with the mosses, which included country ham, grits casserole, greens, green jello with pineapple and nuts, pecan pie... a fire in the fireplace, family, friends, angel ornaments (made by mrs. moss), silver tinsel, and toddies.
automatically, at 8am the doors opened. the 4 of us entered. jean and i stayed behind as only 2 visitors were allowed in his room at a time. a male nurse greeted susie and mosses' other niece. susie turned around to us and motioned for us to join them. as we neared them susie told us the nurse wanted us to all be able to spend the full time with mosses... that the nurse said mosses had had a really bad night.

without coming right out and saying it, the nurse wasn't sure mosses would make it til the next scheduled visit time.
when i walked in his room, i couldn't believe how much worse he looked than the previous night. he was so swollen, his skin was ashen, his eyes were almost completely clouded over, and many of the blisters had burst on his face making it look like he'd been severely burnt  from-ear-to-ear.

still he flailed fighting the ventilator and the hand restraints. mosses looked like a chained animal. it made me physically ill seeing him that way.

"during the night, we had to tighten everything," the nurse explained, "for his own well being. that's also why the sides of the bed are padded."
i stood back while the three visited. the whole scene was so surreal...
~@~

after a bit, they excused themselves. i inched closer to mosses and pulled a chair up next to his bed. then i untied one of his hands and lowered the safety rail. i sat with his hand i mine. it was all i could do to hold on to it as he was fighting my hold too.

"mosses," i said, "i don't know what i'm supposed to do... how i'm supposed to pray. i don't want to lose you, but i don't want you to lie here and suffer any longer either."

mosses was still so strong and moving so much i had to use both of my hands to hold on to his hand. i took his left hand into my left hand whereas our palms were touching, and i locked my thumb around his. i cupped my right hand over-top his hand and held on for dear life. i then pulled his hand in mine down to the bed beside him and lay my head atop.

it was at that very moment that God revealed Himself, and His words came to me.

"God, take him now if he is ready,
but, if he is not ready. leave him,
and leave him whole!"(i had never prayed so boldly in my life.)

i started to cry.
i cried harder.
the harder i cried the more still mosses became. i cried until i could cry no more. mosses fought til he fought no more.

i sat there with my head lying on his still hand,
which was still embraced by both of mine...

both of us were spent.
~@~
(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
danixxx
ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)

football homecoming 2009...

(jacob and katherine)

and another...



here they are 2 years ago.

(football homecoming 2007)

time goes by so quickly...
cherish every moment:)

love and GOd's blessings,
dani xx

thread in time thursday...

(dani, jeanne, and ginny)

i found this photo a few days ago, and it made me smile:) it was taken nearly 18 years ago here on the lane during an engagement, Christmas wassail ginny and i were hosting for jeanne.

i love gin and jean, and they love me.

when i found it and showed it to katherine, she laughed and asked what i was wearing... before telling her it was a lanz dress, which was very in style at the time, she responded i looked like a pilgrim:/ oh well... she really would have thought i looked like a pilgrim if she'd seen my shoes; they were black patent leather capezios with a flat bow on the toe, ha!

did i look like a pilgrim to you?

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

mosses monday XXXV...

 all i could hear in my head were john's words "he was despondent". for the next 9 hours, all i could think was "God, mosses isn't ready yet... i'm not ready, yet..."

~@~

finally, i made my way to the lane. when i opened the door of the van john was there to greet me with a hug and a kiss; he grabbed our luggage and follow katherine and me into the house. once inside, he told me i needed to hurry to the hospital as it was almost the 6pm visiting hour for the intensive care patients.

i looked at him, "still no change?" i asked.

john shook his head, "no..."

quickly, i washed my face, brushed my teeth, slicked my hair back into a ponytail, and headed out to the hospital.
~@~

when the elevator doors opened i hurried around the corner and buzzed for the nurses to open the intensive care ward's doors so that i could go back and see mosses. the doors automatically opened, and i only took a few steps before a nurse greeted me.

"are you dani... here to see george moss???" she asked.

"yes, ma'am," i responded.

"i'm supposed to direct you to go into the family meeting room."

fearing the worst, i followed her.

she opened the door for me. i entered to find mosses' family, his icu physician, and his power of attorney there in the middle of a very serious conversation. everyone looked at me kind of oddly.
to this day, i don't know why i was directed into that room...
as i had no business being there.

nonetheless, there i stood as the doctor explainedmosses had about 48 hours left to live. he was suffering from congestive heart failure, pneumonia, and kidney failure. he proceeded to say  he believed it futile to do more to sustain life.

 mosses' power of attorney then spoke up saying she agreed with the doctor.
~@~

i suppose i went into immediate and total shock and disbelief, and my face must have expressed just what i was feeling.

"dani, is there something you want to say or ask?" mosses' power of attorney asked me.

i started crying and could hardly talk, but i said i didn't think mosses was ready to die, and i asked the doctor if "doing no more to sustain life" meant they were going to take him off the ventilator and discontinue his iv.

the doctor said he would be left on both... he would just do nothing more. he went on to say mosses' was in such grave condition the vent and fluids wouldn't be enough to sustain life once mosses' kidneys completely failed.
~@~

mr. moss' nephew shook his head and commented he'd watched his mother suffer while on life support and he just could not stand the thought of watching his uncle suffer any longer...
i felt selfish and guilty.

after excusing myself from the meeting room, i ran to mosses' icu cubical. i found him in his darkened room with a ventilator tied in his mouth (he was blistered ear-to-ear from having constantly been moving his face side-to-side fighting the vent), and his hands were tied to the sides of the bed. his eyes were open but were "fixed".

i laid my head gently on his chest and sobbed...
"please, GOD, please..."
~@~

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)