mosses monday XXXIII...

today's installment is in memory
of mr. moss' sitter, "jean",
who died earlier this week.

~@~@~@~@~@~

i stopped by mosses' house that summer afternoon to visit and to let him know that katherine and i were going to be out of town the following week. jean met me at the door and welcomed me. she asked if i'd like something to drink as she was preparing mosses his afternoon toddie. i thanked her for asking and told her i'd love a diet coke.

then i joined mosses in his den for drinks and refreshments.

a few minutes later, jean popped around the corner and said that she was going to leave for the day and that mosses' afternoon sitter, marie, would be there soon. i told her i would stay and visit until marie arrived.

oddly, while mosses and i were talking, the topic of death and dying arose. mosses commented that if he lay dying he wanted the doctors to shock him til he glowed!!! (he was referring to the use of defibrillator paddles.) we giggled.

i got really tickled because my grandmother had always said the same thing about herself.

~@~@~@~@~@~

the following afternoon... as i was packing for our trip, the phone rang. i answered: it was jean. "dani, mr. moss is on his way to the hospital!" before i could say a word, she continued, "he collapsed this afternoon in the hallway. he wasn't responsive. when the ambulance arrived they had to intubate him!!! it doesn't look good. i just knew you would want to know."

i thanked her for calling and told her that i was on my way to the hospital.

when i arrived at the hospital, mr. moss' niece, susie, was already there. she took me to the room where he was. mosses was lying there shirtless and shaking with probes all over his body. i walked over next to him, said his name, and told him i was there. he opened his eyes and looked at me.

when he did, i asked him if he was cold (i knew he was). he shook his head that he was. so, i asked the nurse to please bring him a blanket and another pillow. quickly, she did so. i covered him up and put another pillow under his head. i stood there with him and told him that everything was going to be alright.

soon, the er doctor came in and said that they were going to transfer mosses to intensive care. he asked that someone accompany him to the icu floor. susie told me to go on with him. i did. i held his hand as they wheeled him down the hall, into the elevator, and up to the icu. when we arrived at the unit, the transportation team told me that i would have to wait in the waiting area until they could get him in his room and settled.

i kissed mosses' hand and placed it under his blanket. i then kissed his cheek and told him i loved him and reassured him.

by the time i arrived at the waiting area, susie, her cousins, jean, and mosses' power of attorney were already there. they were discussing the fact that mr. moss should have not been intubated and placed on a ventilator as he had signed a dnr (do not resuscitate) document.

i bypassed that conversation, went into the waiting area, and sat down in total disbelief. i knew he wasn't ready to die... i knew i wasn't ready to lose him.

~@~@~@~@~@~

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)