Saturday, July 30, 2016

47 years - 47 things...



1. Are you a proud American? yes
2. Do you vote? yes
3. Do you own a gun? maybe
4. What is your favorite flavor? chocolate
5. Do you get nervous before doctor visits? no
6. What do you think of hot dogs? america
7. Favorite movie? terms of endearment
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee
9. Do you do push ups? nah, but i can
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? engagement ring
11. Favorite hobby? writing
12. Do you have A.D.D.? yes
13. What’s the one thing you dislike about yourself? health
14. What is your middle name? denise
15. Name three thoughts at this moment?
what am i going to do today?
i need to make mae
a grooming appointment.
i need another cup of coffee.
16. Name 4 drinks you drink regularly: coffee, tea, water, and milk
17. Current worry? i'm not really a worrier.
18. Current annoyance: humidity
19. Favorite place to be? home
20. How do you ring in the new year? with my boy
21. Where would you like to go? puerto aventuras
22. Name three people you would like to take with you:  john, theresa, and bobby
23. Softest thing in your house? mae
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? no
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? white  
26. Can you whistle? yes
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever is stuck in my head.
27. What are your favorite colors? pink and green
 28. Would you be a pirate? argh ugh, no
 30. Favorite girl name? katherine
33. Last thing that made you laugh? mae
31. Favorite boy name? john
  32. What’s in your pocket right now? no pockets
  34. Best toy as a child? barbie
37. How many TV’s do you have? 5
35. Worst injury you have ever had? never had a bad injury
  36. Where would you love to live? if not the lane... the beach
38. Who is your loudest friend? amy  
39. How many dogs do you have? 2 
40. Does someone trust you? yes 
 41. What book are you reading at the moment? bible
 42. What’s your favorite candy? snickers
 43. What’s your favorite sports team? uk basketball
  44. Favorite month? december
45. Ever been in love? yes, ever since i met john.
46. Have a bucket list? no
47. What is number 1 on your bucket list?
 i don't have one, 
so i guess it would be to make one. 

love and God's blessings,
danixxx

Thursday, November 12, 2015

seems like old times...


i have now, 
officially been a room mother
ever since katherine 
was in kindergarten. 
blessed with being able to be 
a stay-at-home-mom, 
i was often times 
the room mother. 

i can remember 
loading holiday lights, 
decorations, paper plates, 
matching napkins,  games, movies, 
candy, cookies, cupcakes, etc.
into a our big red wagon, 
filling our igloo on wheels 
full of ice and drinks, 
packing all that 
into our van 
and stopping for pizzas 
before heading 
to katherine's classroom 
to throw the best holiday party 
i could. 
it sounds like a lot of work, 
but, 
i loved every minute of it!

 ~@~

when katherine graduated 
from elementary school, 
i thought 
the days of being a room mom
were over for me. 
however, 
a few weeks ago, 
when katherine mentioned 
she didn't think 
she would have 
any parent volunteers 
for her 5th grade class'
fall party, 
i jumped at the opportunity 
to help her!
she was grateful, 
and i was excited.

~@~

these days, 
instead of having 
halloween and Christmas parties, 
schools opt 
for the more politically correct 
fall and winter soirees. 
so, instead of jack-o-lantern, 
witch, and black cat 
themed party supplies, 
i chose 
pumpkin, 
leaf, and scarecrow 
items.
the rest of the 
party planning and execution 
was like getting back 
on the proverbial bike... 
it was very familiar.

~@~

at the designated time, 
i arrived 
at katherine's room. 
her students gave me 
a very warm welcome. 
being on a bit of a time constraint,  
katherine and i immediately 
began passing out plates, 
napkins, pizza, cupcakes, 
cookies, drinks, and candy. 

22 of her 23 students, 
thanked me 
every time i came around 
to pass out something new...

EVERY TIME! 

the only child 
who didn't verbally 
thank me was autistic, 
but even he smiled 
and told me how much 
he liked what i brought 
to his class and to him.
EVERY ONE of those kids 
were gracious 
and 
mannerly...

EVERY ONE of them!

katherine's kids were 
a breath of fresh air:)

~@~

after eating, 
many of the kids 
came over to me 
and talked to me. 
they wanted to know 
about me, 
and they wanted me to know
about them.
they made me feel 
honored and privileged.


without even being asked, 
katherine will say she is blessed, 
and 
her first year of teaching 
has been a dream.

without even being asked, 
i will say her class has blessed me, 
and i look forward 
to getting to be their room mother 
again at Christmas.

it seems like old times.

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

heaven smiles softly...


last year 
when we celebrated 
maggie's 9th birthday 
i never dreamed 
it would be the last one.
she loved every birthday,  
she loved every day,
she loved everything, 
she loved everyone. 

maggie loved, 
and 
maggie was loved!

~@~




love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

Sunday, October 25, 2015

the human spirit...


when i shared my last post 
(about adding mae to our family)
to facebook, 
a dear friend responded, 

"We can't help ourselves,
Lol, it's the amazing human spirit : ) 
If we harden our heart to love, 
who will take care of little "maemae" 
💕Happiness
~Marlene Brown

~@~

do you know 
what the proverbial 
"human spirit"
is?

biblically, 
it is the breath of life 
God breathed 
into man 
at the time of creation, 
which gave us all 
God-like qualities 
such as: 
intelligence,
creativity,
the ability to emote,
and 
passion.

after the loss 
of my life-long neighbor, 
stella 
and 
her house going on the market,  
katherine's breakup 
with zack, 
the loss of our dear maggie, 
and 
remodel blunder 
after remodel blunder, 
i found myself- 
depleted
at God's feet 
asking Him 
to fill me back up, 
to revitalize me...
and 
for His Holy Spirit 
to help me 
make the right decisions, 
to help me 
know the right words,  
and 
to help me 
mend my broken heart. 

~@~

He wasted no time 
in answering my prayers. 
He reminded me 
john had retired 
and is with me, 
He gave me 
words of grace 
to share 
with katherine and zack, 
and 
He led me directly 
to mae.

this is how i know 
the apostle john was speaking 
words of truth 
when he said, 
"this is how we know
that we live in Him
and 
He in us:
He has given us 
of His Spirit."
(1 john 4:13)

where there is 
the blessed gift 
of 
the Holy Spirit, 
there is no place
for a hardened heart.
we need this soft, 
warm, loving, 
Spirit-filled heart 
to keep us passionate, 
to keep us calm, 
and 
to keep us rolling on...

i know this is truth! 

if you don't believe me, 
ask, seek, knock, 
and  
just see what happens next;) 

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

our sweet baby mae...


"imitation is the sincerest form 
of flattery."
-charles caleb colton

~@~

when maggie was growing up, 
i often said 
i would never be without 
a cavalier in my life.
however, 
as she grew older 
and i started to realize 
how hard it was going to be 
to lose her and not have her 
in my life, 
i often said 
i didn't think i could ever have 
another...
it would just be 
too
hard.

~@~

on friday, the day  
after maggie went to heaven, 
john and i talked 
through our grief.

john: i just don't know 
how people go out 
and get another dog 
after losing one. 
me: i know. 
i think if we got one now 
i would feel guilty...
like i was replacing maggie. 
john: i don't think that. 
i just don't think 
i could go through 
this again.

we agreed.

~@~

then, 
late saturday night 
as i lay in bed, 
the thought occurred to me...

maggie 
would not want us 
to be unhappy 
like this
she spent her whole, 
precious life 
making us happy!

reactively, 
i reached over 
and grabbed my phone 
from my nightstand. 
i laid my phone 
on my chest, 
paused, 
and took in a deep breath.
i held it 
and 
released it.

me: God, give me a sign 
if i'm supposed to do this.

picking up my phone, 
i pressed the home key,  
 touched the safari icon, 
and 
typed, 
"cavalier puppies for sale 
in kentucky."
i touched on the site 
that popped up first.
the interactive site asked 
if i were a buyer or a seller,  
the breed 
in which i was interested, 
and, finally,
 for my location.

~@~

at a glance, 
i noticed there were only 
a couple of pages of 
cavies in our area. 
i also noticed
most of the puppies 
were blenheim 
(tan and white). 
i knew i wanted 
either a mostly black tri-color 
(black, tan, and white)
or 
another black and tan
(with a little white) 
like maggie. 

as i scrolled down the page, 
i saw her,
"blaze"!
my eyes filled with tears.

me: should i do this, God?

i knew there would be 
no turning back!

i noticed her birthdate...
9/2.
maggie was an "11" 
baby too.

i touched her picture 
on my screen to enlarge it 
and 
read more about her.

she had the same marks 
as my darling maggie, 
and 
she was a "cuddler".

 ALL.the.signs.
were.there!

in my heart, 
she was already mine.
God  just reinforced 
what i already knew.

after getting 
meester berrong 
on board, 
i called the breeder,
and
we will pick up

our sweet baby mae~
formally known as 
"Princess Margaret Mae
of the Lane".

-in just eleven days.

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx

Sunday, October 18, 2015

so maggie...



as i lay in bed last night, 
i silently cried. 
i missed my baby,
my love... 
you know, 
the one i've often written about 
over the years- 
my precious maggiepie. 

from the second 
i took her  
from the breeder's arms 
until the second 
she took her last breath, 
she was love.

she was 
the epitome 
of joy. 

~@~

what i am about 
to share is very emotional 
and raw. 
i'm sharing because 
what happened on the day 
maggie 
went to heaven 
was so sweet- 
so perfectly perfect- 
so 
maggie. 

~@~ 

on thursday morning, 
john, mag, and i got 
out of bed. 
john took her outside 
while i prepared 
her breakfast. 
when she came inside, 
she ate her breakfast, 
and john gave 
her a cow ear chewy 
just like every morning. 


she brought it back to bed 
and chewed on it 
for a few minutes 
then stopped, 
which was not normal, 
but maggie was ill,
a totally 
new normal 
for us all.

~@~

since, she hadn't been 
feeling well, 
i had put off giving her 
a much needed bath.
so,  
the night prior 
i had asked john 
if he thought it would be okay 
to bathe her.
he said sure, 
it would probably 
make her feel better. 

she LOVED being clean!

in hopes of perking her up, 
i called for her 
to come into my bathroom. 
she did, 
and i gave her a bath.
after towel drying her, 
i opened the door. 
she tore out of the bathroom
 to the den
to find her daddo, 
who had gone 
to run errands. 
while maggie was 
in the other room
looking for john, 
i grabbed mossi, 
bathed,
and towel dried 
her as well. 
she, too, raced  
to join maggie. 

while they were running
through the house, 
i jumped in the shower 
to wash the dog off me. 
i was in the shower 
just long enough 
to shower. 
when i was finished, 
i towel dried,
threw on some clothes,
and
i slicked my hair back
in a ponytail

i opened the bathroom door 
to find the two, wet monkeys 
in the middle 
of my bed
-my freshly laundered bed-
staring up at me...



after cracking up 
at the sight, 
i took a picture 
and texted their daddo,
"i might should have 
bathed them-
then
washed the bed clothes;)"
i stuck my phone 
in my front pocket, and 
i told the monkeys 
to get out of my bed.  
i grabbed a couple of dry towels, 
and led them into the den. 

~@~

after situating the towels, 
i picked up a couple of throws 
and lay down on the couch 
to snuggle with my girls, 
which i always did.

mossi immediately 
got under the covers, 
and 
maggie got next to me.

me: do you feel better, maggo?

she looked up at me, 
and i kissed her cold, wet nose. 
when i did she got excited 
and jumped up on top of me. 
she started giving me kisses.
i blindly reached 
for my phone  
and videoed her. 

oh.my.God.
she.was.so.cute!



after getting a little footage, 
i placed my phone 
on the coffee table. 
as i moved to do so, 
maggie got really excited 
and started really kissing me.

~@~

then it happened-
it happened 
in an instant... 
she went limp, 
her pupils blew. 
my baby, my angel 
was still breathing, 
but she was gone...

i sat up; 
again, i grabbed my phone,
then called john. 

me (through tears): maggie collapsed! 
john: i'll be right there. 
i'm almost home.

me (to maggie): it'll be okay, baby.
mama's here, 
and daddo will be here 
in just a minute. 

i rocked her gently,
held her tightly, 
and 
i prayed boldly, 
"please, God, 
please, don't let her suffer!"

john came in and sat with us.

john (to maggie): it's okay, girl. 
we are here. 
you're a good girl...
you've been 
the best girl.

we cried.
john and i 
and continued 
to talk to her and love on her 
until long after 
she took her last breath. 
when the time came, 
john went out 
to his truck.
he returned 
with a small, 
maggie-sized casket. 
he'd had a friend make it 
for her. 


it was so simple- 
so beautiful...
it was 
so maggie.

~@~

me: do you want 
to hold her for a while? 

john nodded he did.
i took her to him.

me: i will go get her things.

he nodded okay.

 tears came again.

~@~

john had already 
brought me their favorite toy, 
rangaboom.
i went into my closet 
and pulled out our favorite toy, 
five little monkeys.
i picked up 
her pink chenille pillow 
to put under her.

then, 
i went to my hope chest 
and opened it. 

there it was...

the.blanket.

~the blanket 
i wrapped 
a new-born katherine in
to bring her home
from the hospital,

~the blanket 
i took to the hospital 
to keep mosses warm 
on the nights before he died, 

~the blanket 
i took with me 
to bring maggie home 
from the breeder 
on that cold, december day 
nearly ten years ago.


i placed her 
along with her things 
in her casket. 
i covered her up 
with the blanket.
and, 
finally, 
i took off the tee 
i was wearing, 
folded it, 
and placed it 
under her beautiful face.

later that afternoon 
after katherine arrived 
from work, 
we said our final 
goodbyes,
and, 
her daddo buried her 
in the flower garden 
next to the rock wall.

it was 
ALL 
so perfectly perfect- 

so maggie.

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx