flashback friday... (hope floats)

when i was a little girl,

i remember thinking

a monster lived under

my bed.

i don't know what brought

about that fear,

but i definitely had it.

when it was bedtime,

 i vividly recall

running from our dining room

through our living room

to the doorway of my bedroom,
digging my tiny toes
into the mingled shag carpet
beneath my feet,
pushing off,

and gliding through the air

into my bed

so that whatever it was
dwelling

beneath my bed

wouldn't grab my ankles!

fortunately,
my michael jordan moves
were too much for
my monster;
and,
even more fortunately,
he didn't move with us
when we left that house.

i never
even 
had 
to
give 
that 
monster 
a 
name.

~@~

there is a monster,
however,
who apparently 
is much quicker 
and who has
a much longer wing-span
than my monster did.

this monster 
is a ninja.
he moves quickly...
quietly.
he is everywhere
at the same time.
this monster
has the longest arms and tightest 
grasp of all!
he is neither
picky nor choosy.

and...
just try to move away from him!

his name?

cancer!  

~@~

it is time for relay for life again.

tonight hendersonians will gather together to walk in honor of those living with and those who have overcome cancer.  as well, they will walk in memory of those who have lost their fights, respectively, to this monster.
the hope is that the moneys raised will result in finding a cure.
the following is my post from two years ago...
~@~
6-14-2011
as a believer, i always have hope.
God is the grounds for hope...
for believing good can happen.
God is also the grounds for knowing...
He will make good of that we give over to Him.
believing gives us hope.
belief prepares us for and supports us through the worst
with the knowledge that God is good always!

i have passed these beliefs on to katherine.

~@~



months ago when it was time for katherine to order graduation invitations, she chose to forgo doing so. she said she didn't want to send them because she didn't want people to think she was asking for something (other than their presence at her commencement) in return. after a little brainstorming, i went back to her and explained that if she didn't send out invitations there would be those who would think they were overlooked. i made a proposal to her. i told her that she could put an insert in each of her pre-printed invitations, and on it she could make her intentions known. she was happy with the idea.

hence, she decided to request only the gift of the recipients' presence at her ceremony and to give those who insisted on gifting an option.

~@~

before katherine was even 10 years old, she lost 2 people to whom she was very close to cancer. a third was diagnosed and given only a 2% chance of surviving more than 5 years. so, the summer before her tenth birthday, she started actively participating in our local relay for life. that year she walked in memory of her uncle gary and dear friend, ernie, and in honor of her uncle stevie who was in the battle of his life...
for his life.

respectively, cancer robbed her of the man who she spent countless hours with out on his pontoon on his beloved lake misty. cancer robbed her of the man with whom she visited, shared candy corn, and whom she thought was her granddad. further, cancer was attempting to rob her of her uncle stevie with whom she went on most every vacation and celebrated every holiday.

she loved these men with all her heart...

~@~

over the next five years, cancer took katherine's great-uncle bill
and jack, her neighbor... her best buddy.
however, uncle stevie, beat the odds; he was in the 2% that survived!

~@~

even through loss, katherine continued to hope.
she continued to walk for a cure.

~@~

the option upon which she decided was a great one in her opinion.

on her invitation inserts, she wrote:

only the gift of your presence is requested.
however, you may make a contribution to alcan/rio tinto's
relay for life in memory of my uncles:
gary berrong
bill manion
or
steve hurd.
love, katherine

you may have noticed that steve hurd was listed as in memory of instead of in honor of...
katherine's uncle stevie died a week to the day before she received her graduation announcements in the mail...

he won the cancer battle but lost the war of life.

~@~

friends and family were very generous, so generous in fact, katherine was able to donate enough money to purchase more than 60 luminaries! she donated her own money for luminaries in memory of ernie and jack.

kat was thrilled she was able to pay her gifts forward to a great cause...
the search for a cure for cancer!


love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

throwback thursday... (walking)

katherine walking at 9 months...

i say,

"a child should never walk

before her brain starts working;)"

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

flashback friday (daisy, daisy)...

"give me your answer do!
I'm half crazy..."

"half crazy" is probably an underestimate of myself!!!

on my 31st birthday (2000), i left work, got in my van, and went shopping for my birthday present from me to me:b third store was a charm:D there she was all shiny, black, and new...
daisy, daisy, my bicycle built for two!!!

looking back, who knows??? i guess it was an early mid-life crisis or something. i purchased her, and the guys at the cyclery somehow got the rather large bicycle into my van:O i do remember driving across the bridge home with her front tire next to me wedged between the front seats. it was so unsafe; i was SO excited:D

when i said in my previous post that i have ridden my tanDAMN 5 times and hurt myself 5 times, i think i exaggerated...

that i recall, i HAVE only ridden her 5 times, but i only really hurt myself 2 of those times... the other three trips were just near misses, lol!!!

FIRST TRIP:
i made it home safely with my bike in tow. i quickly changed clothes, helmetted up, lugged the monster bike (it was at this point that i realized how heavy my new mode of transportation was:S), and hopped on for my first ride...

uh-oh (1st near miss), i wasn't quite tall enough to ride in the front safely. but, i was so excited i jumped on anyway, and off i went to find someone taller than me to drive.

SECOND TRIP (actually second leg of 1st trip):
six blocks later, i rode up to d's curb, used the curb to exit the bike;b, and ran in to get her. she was excited, too!!! she jumped on the front, i jumped on the back, and off we went around the block. this was my second 'near miss' as the back handle-bars nor the seat had been tightened in place. oops!!! i was hanging on for dear life, laughing, and, yes, screaming as we went over all the rooted cracks in the sidewalk at d's top speed:O

THIRD TRIP:
my trip home that day, my 31st b-day, was basically uneventful. THANK YOU, GOD, i lived to see that day come and go!!! other than the fact that i needed a curb on which to stop. i really should have tried that bike on before leaving the shop with it, no???

FOURTH TRIP:
a week or so after (against my better judgment), katherine talked me into taking her for a ride on the aforementioned vehicular device. i waited until early evening so that the traffic would be light. i told her we would ride to d's, and she could play with will and sam while d and i took the bike for a ride (btw, john had tightened the back handle-bars and seat).
i dig that husband of mine!
 we got on and headed that way. guess what, we got a couple of blocks away, and i realized that katherine couldn't reach the pedals correctly. even though i told her just to rest her feet on the middle bar, half way there, she decided to just let her feet dangle and hit the back pedals as they rolled around... needless to say when i agreed to let her ride... 
"RIDE" she did!!! 
so, we finally made it to d's, curt was out edging the sidewalk, kat and i made a big U on the side street (tooooooooooooooo sloooooooooooooooooowly)... i didn't quite get over to the curb with enough speed. so, instead of getting off the bike the normal way, we fell over into the grass between the street and the sidewalk. 
THANK, GOD, THERE WAS GRASS BETWEEN THE STREET AND THE SIDEWALK!!! 
hence, the first injury... i being the safety conscious mother i am, ha... purposefully took the brunt of the fall. katherine ran to the house without ever missing a beat. i was crying; i was laughing so hard!!! curt didn't know whether to get me a band aid or laugh with me... so, he just laughed.
d and i didn't go riding that night;( 
the only riding i did that night was hauling butts home to the "click", "click", "click"... of my precious 6 year-old's shoes hitting the rear pedals...

FIFTH AND FINAL TRIP TO DATE:
d talked me into riding the tanDAMN over to her house so that we could ride it downtown to the 'W. C. HANDY BLUES FESTIVAL'". the trip to her house was fine. she got on the front, and we headed to the festival. even that short ride was blissfully uneventful. 
we got off the bike and mingled. everybody was digging my bike. i live in a small town where everybody knows your name... (just a little bigger than the cheers bar); i was so proud of my shiny, new tandem:D 
ever heard, "pride cometh before the fall..."? or something like that...?
well, after a little "blues", a lemon shake-up (ky for "lemonade"), and home-town gossip, we decided to head home...  hence the second injury. d got on; and, instead of "1, 2, 3... PEDAL!!!", she started waving bye and took off with me running behind her instead of riding. 
no, i was not chasing the dana on the "other-may ucker-fay" (pardon my pig latin, please); i was straddling the rear bar and running with the pedals beating me in the backs of my calves.
omGOSH!!! we were the scene!!!  w.c. handy, WHO???
i swear i thought i was going to wet myself!!!  no, REALLY!!! 
as quickly as possible, we two d's... GOT THE HELL OUTTA DODGE (ky for "left rather quickly")!!!

the tandamn has been in my basement since... she still looks like brand-new. in ten years from now??? she'll probably still look like brand-new:D but with dry-rotted tires!!!

whewee...
 love and blessings,
dani
ps. i originally posted this 5 years ago.  the old girl has since been hanging upside down in my aunt's garage, a very good place for her!

throwback thursday (the rescue)...

(destin, florida 1996)

recently on our way to florida,

katherine asked,

"what was that boy's name...

the one that saved me from drowning?"

"his first name was jacob,

and he was from new orleans.

that's all i know." 

i laughed,

"you are a dork, katherine!"

kat continued telling zack

the story of how she was "drowning",

and the boy "saved her life".

this throwback thursday

is dedicated to jacob.

for, if it weren't for 

his quick thinking

and actions,

our little katherine

might not be here with us today;)

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

the dance... (happy birthday, gary!)

and now i'm glad i didn't know  the way it all would end... the way it all would go.


~@~
the night before gary's funeral,  i crawled into bed with linda...  as i didn't want her to be alone.  linda was so exhausted.
 it wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep.  i lay there in the darkness carefully choosing my words for i didn't want to disappoint linda, and i most certainly  didn't want to disappoint God!  gary's story could tell itself. but i promised linda i'd tell it  and tell it well.
i thought to myself...    losing someone is never easy, but, man, God has made our loss as easy as He possibly could have. it was if He has meticulously mapped out  the way it all would go.
i still recall getting goosebumps  when the words, "God's timing is like a perfect dance,"  came to my mind.
~@~
 our lives are better left to chance. i could have missed the pain,  but i'd of had to miss the dance.
by that time, linda was sleeping soundly. i needed something to write with and paper!  i quickly and quietly made my way out of bed  and downstairs to where there were  a pen, paper, a light, and my Bible.
MY.LANDS
 i couldn't get up and speak at gary's funeral without using God's word! what was i thinking? so, i curled up on the couch  and looked down at a closed Bible in my lap. i had grabbed an ink pen and a small tablet  from the dining room table. on it, i wrote the word, "dance"
 then set it aside in order to find supporting scripture.   searching, i flipped through the pages... nothing. i turned to the index for passages  containing the terms,  "timing" or "dance".  nothing.
~@~
 then, i began to pray...
 thank you, God, for revealing yourself  to us through gary.  You have given me such a beautiful story to share.  my words are not enough though; i need Yours too...   suddenly, i felt God's presence  all around me.
i heard Him ask, "what brought you to this place?"
 the goosebumps i had earlier experienced  were nothing compared to the ones  popping up on my skin at that moment! the hair on my arms was standing up straight,  my chest was hot,  and i could hear my heartbeat.
looking back on the memory  of the dance we shared beneath the stars above.
 john!
i opened my Bible and flipped to the book of john.
"what about john, God?" i asked, "i'm here, what now?"
"dani, you know," He answered.
 "i do?"
~@~
i thought...
 "11:11?" i questioned.
 "look. see." He responded.
 "after He had said this, He went on to tell them, 'our friend lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.'” (niv, john 11:11) OH.MY.WORD
lazarus!  all those months ago  on the night gary asked me  about my relationship with God,  i shared with him the story of lazarus...  i told him to place his faith in God  and that regardless of how this all would end  God would be with him,  and it would be okay. furthermore, i told him  i didn't know what God was going to do  but that i knew God was already doing something.
john 11:11..
 lazarus...
 WOW!
~@~
  for a moment all the world was right. how could i have known  that you'd ever say goodbye?
gary's story had come full circle...  the Alpha and the Omega  He was there at the beginning of gary's journey.
~@~
but if i'd only known how the king would fall, hey, who's to say, you know, i might have changed it all.
 He was there at the end:  "look, dani, look through the roof...  IT'S.SO.BEAUTIFUL!!!"
 "do you see it?" he asked me.
 there was silence.   the three of us turned our undivided  attention to gary.
 i said, "what did you say, gary?!!?!"  he repeated,
 "look through the roof, isn't it beautiful?"
~@~
i ripped the piece of paper i'd been writing on from the tablet, turned off all the lights, and on wobbly knees made my way up the stairs, back to bed.
honestly, i don't know how i slept...
for, i had been in HIS presence.  HE had spoken to me.  HE had shown HIS perfection,  HIS plan...
to me?
~@~
as well,  the timing of HIS latest revelation  couldn't have been more perfect...
 the following morning i awoke  a little later than the others.  i went downstairs to the kitchen  where i found linda  with the same notepad and pen  i'd used the night prior.
" mydani, this is how i want the service to go..." she said and handed me the tablet.
 tears welled up in my eyes,  then came the goosebumps,  the standing hair on my arms,  the hot chest, the loud heartbeat,  and i thought my knees were going  to buckle beneath me.
 i handed my piece of paper to her.  she saw and knew, too!!!
IT.WAS.GOD 
 unbeknownst to me until that very moment, linda had decided to use garth brooks'  the dance  as the theme for gary's funeral.
OH.MY.GOD
THE.DANCE
 yes my life is better left to chance.  i could have missed the pain,  but i'd of had to miss the dance.
  in loving memory of our gary,  on his birthday...  on this memorial day.
 love and God's blessings, dani xxx

because i love him...

when john and i were dating

his sister often asked me,

"why are you dating him?'

my reply was always,

"because i love him."

~@~

i awoke this morning to john holding my hand.

before i was even awake,

my heart began to sing.

sometimes i have to pinch myself

so as to know i am not dreaming.

then i think,

God really gave him to me...

and i smile.

~@~

over the years

we have had issues

both through and around

which we have 

worked.

things have not always been 

dreamy.

thankfully though,

we never allowed the issues

to define us.

love.has.defined.who.we.are.

~@~

nearly 25 years ago

i went to john and expressed

my feelings for him.

john was a very guarded man.

however,

he allowed me into his world-

into his heart.

God blessed me

with john.

make no mistake,

it was not the other way around.

i prayed to God

for him.

God answered my prayers.

~@~

john and i celebrated our 23rd

anniversary on saturday:

23 years together

because i love him

and he loves me

and

GOD loves us...

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

a few of my favorite things...

anyone who knows me

knows

i.am.not.a.things.kind.of.person.

i

am

an

if.it.lives.and.breathes.kind.of.person.

however,

there are a few things i love.

~@~

i love...

flannel pajamas

hard-wood floors

ralph lauren tee shirts

double-dutch doors

violets and daisies
most all wild flowers
thick soft towels
long warm showers

my haflinger house shoes

abercrombie flip flops

my black madden sandals

i don't wear crocks

my johnny cash boots

my weekender jeans

my ribbed black turtleneck

and a few more things...

marzetti's honey mustard
heinz 57
nutella on most anything
tastes like heaven

diet coke from mcdonald's

with a fat straw

reese's cups and snickers

that's not all

mint chocolate chip ice cream

two scoops in a cone
martin's photography
pictures taken with my phone

ray ban sunglasses
paul sebastian's design
my pandora necklace
a good bottle of wine

fructis and secret
skintimate and crest
new sharp razors
venuses are best

cascade and dawn
downy and tide
bounty and charmin
the squeezable kind

my jeep commander
the one that guzzles gas
my john deere tractor
mowing the grass

floating in the pool

writing in bed

watching cnn

or breaking bad instead

when maggie snores

when a bell rings

when i'm feeling well

these are a few of my favorite things

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

sanctity of the lane...

for many reasons,

i have always treasured

my life on the lane

especially in the spring

and summer.

when the flowers and trees

are in full bloom,

the lane looks much like

an original

thomas kinkade

painting.

the lane is also a bit enchanted...

we have deer,

squirrels,

foxes,

raccoons,

opossums,

groundhogs,

moles,

turtles,

owls,

bats,

and

birds...

lots of birds. 

what i've always 

treasured most

though

are my next-door neighbors,

the davises.

when i moved here 

as a little girl

with my parents,

jack and stella were my best friends

even though i was only nine

and they were in their sixties.

i remember in the summers

watching out the window

yearning for them to arrive home from work.

i got so giddy 

when i saw their woody station wagon

 pull into their driveway.

stella went in to start supper.

as soon as i saw jack in the backyard,

i ran over to 

"play."

when he saw me coming 

he grabbed an extra lawn chair for me.

we sat and watched 

sanford and son

almost every afternoon together.

although i was only a mere fourth-grader,

 jack talked to me like i was grown.

i liked that!

when stella saw that i was there,

she brought jack and me

Coca-Cola

poured over ice

in ball jars.

she handed us our drinks 

and then dried her hands on her

apron.

stella was beautiful.

(stella.is.still.beautiful.)

she always had her hair

fixed.

and...

whether she was dressed 

for church

or

donning shorts, a polo,

tennis shoes,

and apron,

she looked like

a model-modern-housewife-and-mother.

she never failed to ask me about my day.

i remember trying to come up

with a good tale

because i loved, loved, loved

to hear her reply,

"well, good grief!"

it reminded me of charlie brown

and always made me giggle.

she then usually returned to her kitchen

to continue preparing dinner.

jack and i sipped

our cokes

(well, jack took swigs of his cola

after each spit of tobacco;)

while watching 

ol' fred sanford

grab his shoulder 

and tell his late wife,

elizabeth,

he was coming to join her.

after a while,

mom hollered 

for me to come home

for dinner,

and

stella called jack in to eat.

~@~

many nights

after we ate supper

mom allowed me to rejoin them in their backyard..

i don't know if i was a bother to them,

but if i was,

they never made me feel like it.

there were no other children on the lane.

they were all i had.

they were 

all i needed.

i.loved.them.

~@~

when i was little

we never took summer vacations.

but,

that was okay

because jack and stella didn't either.

furthermore,

jack

preached the sanctity of the lane...

he scooted to the front of his lawn-chair

expanding his arms as wide as he could

as if presenting something  really special

and rhetorically asked,

"why would we 

go anywhere else

when we have everything we need

right here?"

why, indeed!!?!?

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

i think he knew the way...

the first week of april always brings

about 

in me

a flood of memories

of 

a

most precious time in my life.

for

it was time spent with gary

in the days leading up to his

journey

home.

~@~

on several occasions

(first here and again here)

i've shared

the story of his death...

it.was.beautiful.

it was raw,
but,

yes...
oh.yes.

beauty full.

~@~

God's presence

was as dense and expansive

as the fog that hovered over

lake misty

on those last, cool,
april mornings
of gary's

life.

gary lived most of his life

admittedly 

without God in it.

but once he allowed

God in...

GOD
NEVER
FORSOOK
HIM!

GOD
also took 
great care of those of us
surrounding gary.
HE made sure to include
us in the details 
of HIS plan for gary.
HE
knew
we were watching
and
HE
didn't want us to miss a thing.
HE
knew
we would witness
to what we saw.
HE
knew
HIS HOLY SPIRIT
would not let us forget
a single,
important
detail
of gary's story.

i've written
(in the aforementioned places)
about the most important
details.
but there are others i have
of the time leading up to gary's
departure.

like...

when gary told me i needed
to see
remember the titans
and
gladiator.
he also told me
to listen to
the song,
time marches on...
that it's true,
it does, indeed, march on.

like...

when we were on our way
to buy new sheets and a comforter
for gary's hospital bed,
linda asked me what
i thought 
GOD
 was going to do.
and i answered
i didn't know
but that it was going to be something
BIG
and that i'd known 
that much
from the very moment 
of gary's diagnosis.

like...

when i left the house
that morning to go run errands
for linda...
while gary lay dying,
this song was on the radio...
(you should listen to the very end)




on a station to which
i didn't recall setting
my tuner.

like...

when i was reading the end of gary's book
to him,
there was a character named "violet"
and that in those few pages i read to him
before he
 left
there were the
only two words,
rouge
and
arroyo,
i'd helped him fill into his crossword puzzle
the night prior...
and how i paused and smiled
when i came to them in my reading.

like...

when john's sister-in-law
said
that everyone was there
and gary heard and believed
it was okay to
go.

like...

when gary's puppy, max,
went crazy as the backdoor opened
releasing gary's spirit
from the house.

like...

when gary's brother
headed back up to the house
(not knowing gary was gone)
saying he had just felt what he believed to be
gary's spirit brush by his face.

~@~

i remember all those things
and more...

love and GOD's blessings,
dani xxx

happy birthday, taunya...

i call this masterpiece...

THE FAB FIVE

(and two cheerleaders)

when i was growing up i never had sisters.

however, when i went away to college,

God blessed me with four!
from left to right:
susan, ginny, jeanne, and taunya

we were family.

we lived together.

we laughed together.

we loved together.

~@~

today is taunya's birthday

(she is the one with the birthday hat;)

so, today i am going to celebrate...

TAUNYA!

~@~

 although taunya and i went to high school

together, we never really knew each other

until our freshmen year in college.

i remember her coming up to my dorm room

the friday night of parents' weekend.

(our parents had decided not to come until saturday morning)

so, while everyone else was out with their parents,

taunya and i talked and talked and talked.

we got to know pretty much everything about 

each another.

we became fast, great friends.

26 1/2 years later...

i consider her to still be one of my very best!

~@~

taunya and i have been through the best of times

and the worst of times.

the best of times

found us...

being ΛΧΑ little sisters together,

cohabiting with 4 other girls in a shotgun-house 

(with only one bathroom, a piano on the front porch,

sitting next to a boot store with a life-size horse on its awning),

road-tripping to florida with a bunch of ΑΤΩ's,

falling in love,

getting married,

and having babies.

~~~

the worst of times

found us...

tragically losing young, loved ones

way too soon.

~@~

our friendship has withstood the test of time.

i thank God for letting me stumble upon you,

t!!!

love and God's blessings,

d xxx