Sunday, October 25, 2015

the human spirit...

when i shared my last post 
(about adding mae to our family)
to facebook, 
a dear friend responded, 

"We can't help ourselves,
Lol, it's the amazing human spirit : ) 
If we harden our heart to love, 
who will take care of little "maemae" 
~Marlene Brown


do you know 
what the proverbial 
"human spirit"

it is the breath of life 
God breathed 
into man 
at the time of creation, 
which gave us all 
God-like qualities 
such as: 
the ability to emote,

after the loss 
of my life-long neighbor, 
her house going on the market,  
katherine's breakup 
with zack, 
the loss of our dear maggie, 
remodel blunder 
after remodel blunder, 
i found myself- 
at God's feet 
asking Him 
to fill me back up, 
to revitalize me...
for His Holy Spirit 
to help me 
make the right decisions, 
to help me 
know the right words,  
to help me 
mend my broken heart. 


He wasted no time 
in answering my prayers. 
He reminded me 
john had retired 
and is with me, 
He gave me 
words of grace 
to share 
with katherine and zack, 
He led me directly 
to mae.

this is how i know 
the apostle john was speaking 
words of truth 
when he said, 
"this is how we know
that we live in Him
He in us:
He has given us 
of His Spirit."
(1 john 4:13)

where there is 
the blessed gift 
the Holy Spirit, 
there is no place
for a hardened heart.
we need this soft, 
warm, loving, 
Spirit-filled heart 
to keep us passionate, 
to keep us calm, 
to keep us rolling on...

i know this is truth! 

if you don't believe me, 
ask, seek, knock, 
just see what happens next;) 

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

our sweet baby mae...

"imitation is the sincerest form 
of flattery."
-charles caleb colton


when maggie was growing up, 
i often said 
i would never be without 
a cavalier in my life.
as she grew older 
and i started to realize 
how hard it was going to be 
to lose her and not have her 
in my life, 
i often said 
i didn't think i could ever have 
it would just be 


on friday, the day  
after maggie went to heaven, 
john and i talked 
through our grief.

john: i just don't know 
how people go out 
and get another dog 
after losing one. 
me: i know. 
i think if we got one now 
i would feel guilty...
like i was replacing maggie. 
john: i don't think that. 
i just don't think 
i could go through 
this again.

we agreed.


late saturday night 
as i lay in bed, 
the thought occurred to me...

would not want us 
to be unhappy 
like this
she spent her whole, 
precious life 
making us happy!

i reached over 
and grabbed my phone 
from my nightstand. 
i laid my phone 
on my chest, 
and took in a deep breath.
i held it 
released it.

me: God, give me a sign 
if i'm supposed to do this.

picking up my phone, 
i pressed the home key,  
 touched the safari icon, 
"cavalier puppies for sale 
in kentucky."
i touched on the site 
that popped up first.
the interactive site asked 
if i were a buyer or a seller,  
the breed 
in which i was interested, 
and, finally,
 for my location.


at a glance, 
i noticed there were only 
a couple of pages of 
cavies in our area. 
i also noticed
most of the puppies 
were blenheim 
(tan and white). 
i knew i wanted 
either a mostly black tri-color 
(black, tan, and white)
another black and tan
(with a little white) 
like maggie. 

as i scrolled down the page, 
i saw her,
my eyes filled with tears.

me: should i do this, God?

i knew there would be 
no turning back!

i noticed her birthdate...
maggie was an "11" 
baby too.

i touched her picture 
on my screen to enlarge it 
read more about her.

she had the same marks 
as my darling maggie, 
she was a "cuddler".


in my heart, 
she was already mine.
God  just reinforced 
what i already knew.

after getting 
meester berrong 
on board, 
i called the breeder,
we will pick up

our sweet baby mae~
formally known as 
"Princess Margaret Mae
of the Lane".

-in just eleven days.

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx

Sunday, October 18, 2015

so maggie...

as i lay in bed last night, 
i silently cried. 
i missed my baby,
my love... 
you know, 
the one i've often written about 
over the years- 
my precious maggiepie. 

from the second 
i took her  
from the breeder's arms 
until the second 
she took her last breath, 
she was love.

she was 
the epitome 
of joy. 


what i am about 
to share is very emotional 
and raw. 
i'm sharing because 
what happened on the day 
went to heaven 
was so sweet- 
so perfectly perfect- 


on thursday morning, 
john, mag, and i got 
out of bed. 
john took her outside 
while i prepared 
her breakfast. 
when she came inside, 
she ate her breakfast, 
and john gave 
her a cow ear chewy 
just like every morning. 

she brought it back to bed 
and chewed on it 
for a few minutes 
then stopped, 
which was not normal, 
but maggie was ill,
a totally 
new normal 
for us all.


since, she hadn't been 
feeling well, 
i had put off giving her 
a much needed bath.
the night prior 
i had asked john 
if he thought it would be okay 
to bathe her.
he said sure, 
it would probably 
make her feel better. 

she LOVED being clean!

in hopes of perking her up, 
i called for her 
to come into my bathroom. 
she did, 
and i gave her a bath.
after towel drying her, 
i opened the door. 
she tore out of the bathroom
 to the den
to find her daddo, 
who had gone 
to run errands. 
while maggie was 
in the other room
looking for john, 
i grabbed mossi, 
and towel dried 
her as well. 
she, too, raced  
to join maggie. 

while they were running
through the house, 
i jumped in the shower 
to wash the dog off me. 
i was in the shower 
just long enough 
to shower. 
when i was finished, 
i towel dried,
threw on some clothes,
i slicked my hair back
in a ponytail

i opened the bathroom door 
to find the two, wet monkeys 
in the middle 
of my bed
-my freshly laundered bed-
staring up at me...

after cracking up 
at the sight, 
i took a picture 
and texted their daddo,
"i might should have 
bathed them-
washed the bed clothes;)"
i stuck my phone 
in my front pocket, and 
i told the monkeys 
to get out of my bed.  
i grabbed a couple of dry towels, 
and led them into the den. 


after situating the towels, 
i picked up a couple of throws 
and lay down on the couch 
to snuggle with my girls, 
which i always did.

mossi immediately 
got under the covers, 
maggie got next to me.

me: do you feel better, maggo?

she looked up at me, 
and i kissed her cold, wet nose. 
when i did she got excited 
and jumped up on top of me. 
she started giving me kisses.
i blindly reached 
for my phone  
and videoed her.!

after getting a little footage, 
i placed my phone 
on the coffee table. 
as i moved to do so, 
maggie got really excited 
and started really kissing me.


then it happened-
it happened 
in an instant... 
she went limp, 
her pupils blew. 
my baby, my angel 
was still breathing, 
but she was gone...

i sat up; 
again, i grabbed my phone,
then called john. 

me (through tears): maggie collapsed! 
john: i'll be right there. 
i'm almost home.

me (to maggie): it'll be okay, baby.
mama's here, 
and daddo will be here 
in just a minute. 

i rocked her gently,
held her tightly, 
i prayed boldly, 
"please, God, 
please, don't let her suffer!"

john came in and sat with us.

john (to maggie): it's okay, girl. 
we are here. 
you're a good girl...
you've been 
the best girl.

we cried.
john and i 
and continued 
to talk to her and love on her 
until long after 
she took her last breath. 
when the time came, 
john went out 
to his truck.
he returned 
with a small, 
maggie-sized casket. 
he'd had a friend make it 
for her. 

it was so simple- 
so beautiful...
it was 
so maggie.


me: do you want 
to hold her for a while? 

john nodded he did.
i took her to him.

me: i will go get her things.

he nodded okay.

 tears came again.


john had already 
brought me their favorite toy, 
i went into my closet 
and pulled out our favorite toy, 
five little monkeys.
i picked up 
her pink chenille pillow 
to put under her.

i went to my hope chest 
and opened it. 

there it was...


~the blanket 
i wrapped 
a new-born katherine in
to bring her home
from the hospital,

~the blanket 
i took to the hospital 
to keep mosses warm 
on the nights before he died, 

~the blanket 
i took with me 
to bring maggie home 
from the breeder 
on that cold, december day 
nearly ten years ago.

i placed her 
along with her things 
in her casket. 
i covered her up 
with the blanket.
i took off the tee 
i was wearing, 
folded it, 
and placed it 
under her beautiful face.

later that afternoon 
after katherine arrived 
from work, 
we said our final 
her daddo buried her 
in the flower garden 
next to the rock wall.

it was 
so perfectly perfect- 

so maggie.

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx