Sunday, October 18, 2015

so maggie...

as i lay in bed last night, 
i silently cried. 
i missed my baby,
my love... 
you know, 
the one i've often written about 
over the years- 
my precious maggiepie. 

from the second 
i took her  
from the breeder's arms 
until the second 
she took her last breath, 
she was love.

she was 
the epitome 
of joy. 


what i am about 
to share is very emotional 
and raw. 
i'm sharing because 
what happened on the day 
went to heaven 
was so sweet- 
so perfectly perfect- 


on thursday morning, 
john, mag, and i got 
out of bed. 
john took her outside 
while i prepared 
her breakfast. 
when she came inside, 
she ate her breakfast, 
and john gave 
her a cow ear chewy 
just like every morning. 

she brought it back to bed 
and chewed on it 
for a few minutes 
then stopped, 
which was not normal, 
but maggie was ill,
a totally 
new normal 
for us all.


since, she hadn't been 
feeling well, 
i had put off giving her 
a much needed bath.
the night prior 
i had asked john 
if he thought it would be okay 
to bathe her.
he said sure, 
it would probably 
make her feel better. 

she LOVED being clean!

in hopes of perking her up, 
i called for her 
to come into my bathroom. 
she did, 
and i gave her a bath.
after towel drying her, 
i opened the door. 
she tore out of the bathroom
 to the den
to find her daddo, 
who had gone 
to run errands. 
while maggie was 
in the other room
looking for john, 
i grabbed mossi, 
and towel dried 
her as well. 
she, too, raced  
to join maggie. 

while they were running
through the house, 
i jumped in the shower 
to wash the dog off me. 
i was in the shower 
just long enough 
to shower. 
when i was finished, 
i towel dried,
threw on some clothes,
i slicked my hair back
in a ponytail

i opened the bathroom door 
to find the two, wet monkeys 
in the middle 
of my bed
-my freshly laundered bed-
staring up at me...

after cracking up 
at the sight, 
i took a picture 
and texted their daddo,
"i might should have 
bathed them-
washed the bed clothes;)"
i stuck my phone 
in my front pocket, and 
i told the monkeys 
to get out of my bed.  
i grabbed a couple of dry towels, 
and led them into the den. 


after situating the towels, 
i picked up a couple of throws 
and lay down on the couch 
to snuggle with my girls, 
which i always did.

mossi immediately 
got under the covers, 
maggie got next to me.

me: do you feel better, maggo?

she looked up at me, 
and i kissed her cold, wet nose. 
when i did she got excited 
and jumped up on top of me. 
she started giving me kisses.
i blindly reached 
for my phone  
and videoed her.!

after getting a little footage, 
i placed my phone 
on the coffee table. 
as i moved to do so, 
maggie got really excited 
and started really kissing me.


then it happened-
it happened 
in an instant... 
she went limp, 
her pupils blew. 
my baby, my angel 
was still breathing, 
but she was gone...

i sat up; 
again, i grabbed my phone,
then called john. 

me (through tears): maggie collapsed! 
john: i'll be right there. 
i'm almost home.

me (to maggie): it'll be okay, baby.
mama's here, 
and daddo will be here 
in just a minute. 

i rocked her gently,
held her tightly, 
i prayed boldly, 
"please, God, 
please, don't let her suffer!"

john came in and sat with us.

john (to maggie): it's okay, girl. 
we are here. 
you're a good girl...
you've been 
the best girl.

we cried.
john and i 
and continued 
to talk to her and love on her 
until long after 
she took her last breath. 
when the time came, 
john went out 
to his truck.
he returned 
with a small, 
maggie-sized casket. 
he'd had a friend make it 
for her. 

it was so simple- 
so beautiful...
it was 
so maggie.


me: do you want 
to hold her for a while? 

john nodded he did.
i took her to him.

me: i will go get her things.

he nodded okay.

 tears came again.


john had already 
brought me their favorite toy, 
i went into my closet 
and pulled out our favorite toy, 
five little monkeys.
i picked up 
her pink chenille pillow 
to put under her.

i went to my hope chest 
and opened it. 

there it was...


~the blanket 
i wrapped 
a new-born katherine in
to bring her home
from the hospital,

~the blanket 
i took to the hospital 
to keep mosses warm 
on the nights before he died, 

~the blanket 
i took with me 
to bring maggie home 
from the breeder 
on that cold, december day 
nearly ten years ago.

i placed her 
along with her things 
in her casket. 
i covered her up 
with the blanket.
i took off the tee 
i was wearing, 
folded it, 
and placed it 
under her beautiful face.

later that afternoon 
after katherine arrived 
from work, 
we said our final 
her daddo buried her 
in the flower garden 
next to the rock wall.

it was 
so perfectly perfect- 

so maggie.

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx


Lucy said...

Oh Dani, i am an absolute mess of tears reading this moving and loving tribute to your precious Maggie. Love and comforting prays for you all and especiall to your angle girl Maggie.

Sally said...

Be still my heart.

Much love to you, Dani.

The perfect mom to sweet, Maggie, perfect family for her to have all those years.

God bless you all.

Sleep well, Maggie.