fix it, mama...

a couple of weeks ago yesterday, 

i noticed maggie breathing rapidly. 

concerned, i went online to see 

what could be causing it. 

the first article i found 

simply stated that 

rapid breathing was not uncommon 

in aging cavalier king charles spaniels 

due to the design of their 

snout and pallet. 

relieved, 

i went about doing 

whatever it was 

i was doing.

over the weekend 

the oddity of her respiration 

became more and more apparent.

i asked john if he had noticed it. 

he said he had 

and wondered aloud 

what could be causing it.

i told him what i had read. 

he, like i, 

was relieved... 

it was normal.

~@~

however, 

what happened 

the following monday morning 

was not normal.

john: dani, what time does the vet open?

me: 7 or 8, why?

john:  we need to get maggie 

in to see dr. nichols!

she's breathing really hard and fast, 

her nose is warm, 

and 

she won't eat her breakfast.

i think my heart stopped beating 

as it made a b-line to my throat.

she won't eat her breakfast??!?!

maggie has NEVER 

turned down food...

EVER!

~@~

as quickly 

as i could unhook my phone 

and put on my glasses, 

i called dr. nichols' office.

kim, his assistant, answered.

she told me he could see her 

at 11:15.

by the time our conversation ended, 

i had made my way 

from our bedroom to the den. 

there, i found maggie 

lying on the couch- limp.

the tears came.

i hurried over to her.

me: what's wrong, baby?

do you feel bad?

without moving a muscle, 

she cut her eyes up

and looked directly 

into my eyes.

fix it, mama.

~@~

i lay down next to her 

on the couch. 

i kissed her cheek, 

i petted her, 

i told her everything 

was going to be okay, 

and 

i promised her 

no matter how hard it would be 

to let her go, 

i would not let her suffer. 

her eyes were still fixed 

on mine.

fix it, mama.

~@~

dr. nichols: mrs. berrong, 

put her up here 

on the table, and let me 

take a look at her. 

i was sitting in the chair 

holding her. 

i stood and sat her on the examining table 

just as he had asked.

dr. nichols: so, what's been 

going on with her?

i told him how her condition 

had progressed over the weekend. 

i told him i had counted 

and her respiration rate 

was about forty breaths per minute.

dr. nichols: i saw that 

on kim's report. 

she is definitely breathing 

too fast.

he began his examination.

first he felt her 

for node enlargement. 

then he listened to her heart 

and body sounds.

me: is it her heart?  

is she going into heart failure? 

(heart issues are also common 

with the ckcs breed.)

dr. nichols: her heart sounds fine...

great in fact.

her.heart.sounds.fine.

GREAT.IN.FACT.

relief...

dr. nichols turned to grab 

his thermometer. 

john: her nose was 

really warm earlier, 

and she was coughing. 

dr. nichols inserted 

the thermometer, 

waited for the beep, 

then removed it, 

and looked at the flashing 

temperature.

dr. nichols: no real temp...

101.5 is average-normal. 

hers is 101.9.

me: so, she's okay?

dr. nichols: well, she's not 

exactly "okay".  something 

is causing these 

respiratory issues.  

would you mind if i keep her 

and run some x-rays 

to see what's going on inside her?

me: for how long?

in 10 years, 

the only time i'd left maggie

anywhere was with dr. nichols 

when she was six months old...

to have her spayed.

dr. nichols: could you leave her 

for a couple of hours?

me: (not overnight:) absolutely!

dr. nichols: perfect.

hopefully a chest x-ray 

will give us some answers.

~@~

i leaned over 

and kissed maggie's nose.

me: i won't be gone long;)

she cocked her head back 

and returned the favor...

a big, wet, maggie kiss,

which began 

at the tip of my nose,

traveled up between 

my eyebrows 

and ended on my forehead.

i smiled and pulled away from her.

again,  

she looked 

right into my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i looked right back into hers.

i'm going to fix it, baby!

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings, 

dani xxx