Tuesday, October 13, 2015

fixing it the only way i know how...

she looked 
right into my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i looked right back into hers.

i'm going to fix it, baby.


when we returned 
to the vet 
to pick up maggie, 
dr. nichols motioned
for us to come back 
to the examining room. 
once we were 
inside the room, dr. nichols
closed the door 
and turned off the lights. 
the only light in the room 
was coming from 
the light board, 
which was holding 
maggie's chest x-ray images. 

without delay,
 dr. nichols explained the image...
pointing out 
the important features: 
maggie's front leg, 
her ribcage, 
her heart, 
and her lungs. 

dr. nichols: ok, we have a couple 
of things going on here.

he pointed to maggie's heart. 

dr. nichols: a normal heart 
is about three ribs in diameter.
(he pointed to maggie's heart 
then directed us to her rib-cage,
which was protecting it.)
maggie's, as you can see, 
is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ribs wide; 
it is enlarged.

i took in a deep breath.

dr. nichols: that's not great, 
but we can live with it.

i exhaled.

dr. nichols: what i'm concerned about 
is this. this is her bronchial tube. 
(he traced a line
running along her spine 
from her neck to her lungs.) 
see how it runs smoothly 
then arches up and back down 
before it gets to her lungs?

i looked at john 
then back at dr. nichols.
we both nodded,
we saw it.

dr. nichols went on to explain 
there were tumors 
and inflammation 
around the base of maggie's heart,
which were compromising 
more than half 
of her breathing capacity 
causing her rapid breathing. 

dr. nichols: i have given her 
an anti-inflammatory. 
hopefully that will help... 
me (interrupting): is she in pain?
dr. nichols: no, she is not.  
she isn't suffering at all, 
and, hopefully, 
the anti inflammatory will help. 
we should know if it's going to 
by the weekend. 


shutting down, 
i didn't really want to hear 
anything else. 
i just wanted 
to get my girl  
and take her home.

dr. nichols: (aware i was fading) 
how about i go get her? 

i smiled and nodded. 

me: thank you.

when he brought her to us, 
she looked like my maggie... 
she was definitely feeling better.
i grabbed her up into 
my arms.
we exchanged kisses.


we brought her home. 
i fed her, 
and she ate!
i made her comfortable 
in our bed. 
i lay down next to her 
and cuddled her.
she kissed me.
i told her how much 
i love her 
and her kisses. 

then she looked at me...
right in my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i kissed her nose,  
hugged her tightly, 
and began to sob...

i'm fixing it
the only way 
i know how, my little lovie.

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx


Sally said...

I know how difficult this is, Dani. And, I will certainly keep Maggie and all of you in my prayers. xoxo

Lucy said...

Oh Dani. my heat is breaking for you all. ❤️