fixing it the only way i know how...

she looked 

right into my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i looked right back into hers.

i'm going to fix it, baby.

~@~

when we returned 

to the vet 

to pick up maggie, 

dr. nichols motioned

for us to come back 

to the examining room. 

once we were 

inside the room, dr. nichols

closed the door 

and turned off the lights. 

the only light in the room 

was coming from 

the light board, 

which was holding 

maggie's chest x-ray images. 

without delay,

 dr. nichols explained the image...

pointing out 

the important features: 

maggie's front leg, 

her ribcage, 

her heart, 

and her lungs. 

dr. nichols: ok, we have a couple 

of things going on here.

he pointed to maggie's heart. 

dr. nichols: a normal heart 

is about three ribs in diameter.

(he pointed to maggie's heart 

then directed us to her rib-cage,

which was protecting it.)

maggie's, as you can see, 

is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ribs wide; 

it is enlarged.

i took in a deep breath.

dr. nichols: that's not great, 

but we can live with it.

i exhaled.

dr. nichols: what i'm concerned about 

is this. this is her bronchial tube. 

(he traced a line

running along her spine 

from her neck to her lungs.) 

see how it runs smoothly 

then arches up and back down 

before it gets to her lungs?

i looked at john 

then back at dr. nichols.

we both nodded,

we saw it.

dr. nichols went on to explain 

there were tumors 

and inflammation 

around the base of maggie's heart,

which were compromising 

more than half 

of her breathing capacity 

causing her rapid breathing. 

dr. nichols: i have given her 

an anti-inflammatory. 

hopefully that will help... 

me (interrupting): is she in pain?

dr. nichols: no, she is not.  

she isn't suffering at all, 

and, hopefully, 

the anti inflammatory will help. 

we should know if it's going to 

by the weekend. 

~@~

shutting down, 

i didn't really want to hear 

anything else. 

i just wanted 

to get my girl  

and take her home.

dr. nichols: (aware i was fading) 

how about i go get her? 

i smiled and nodded. 

me: thank you.

when he brought her to us, 

she looked like my maggie... 

she was definitely feeling better.

i grabbed her up into 

my arms.

we exchanged kisses.

~@~

we brought her home. 

i fed her, 

and she ate!

afterwards, 

i made her comfortable 

in our bed. 

i lay down next to her 

and cuddled her.

she kissed me.

i told her how much 

i love her 

and her kisses. 

then she looked at me...

right in my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i kissed her nose,  

hugged her tightly, 

and began to sob...

i'm fixing it

the only way 

i know how, my little lovie.

love and God's blessings, 

dani xxx