Monday, February 16, 2009

mosses monday XVIII...

(katherine with a "flower" she picked for her "mosses")

mr. moss moved his beloved into the rest home a couple of days before we were supposed to leave for spring break. her case worker said that it was best that mrs. moss not have any visitors until "the home" could get her settled into her room and into her "new routine".

(though the rule made sense in theory, the irony was that every, single day for months mrs. moss had had to settle into a "new routine"... such was life for her once the alzheimer's had advanced.)

we left for florida the saturday after good friday and were gone a week. looking back, it was probably a really good thing that we were out of town that week. katherine kept me busy with first Easter and then playing in the ocean, sand, and pool. still, i wondered was mrs. moss was scared??? was mr. moss missing the woman he'd spent nearly every night with for almost 60 years (after courting her for 10 years)...

while we were gone, i called daily to check in with mr. moss . it was so odd not to hear him ask, "dani, would you like to talk to this pretty lady sitting here beside me?" like he had done so often.

we returned the following saturday evening. i called to let mr. moss know that we had arrived home safely and asked if katherine and i could go visit mrs. moss after church on sunday. he, being the southern gentleman he was, replied, "well, bless your heart, dani, that'd be mighty nice".

(i can still hear him uttering those very words... (WHAT.A.GIFT:).)

after church, katherine and i hurried to the van, i fastened her into her car seat, and we made a mad dash to the rest home. i couldn't wait to visit mrs. moss. i wanted to see for myself that she was alright...
i wanted her to know we hadn't forgotten her!!!

when we entered the lobby, i asked for directions to mrs. moss' room. the receptionist informed me that she was not in her room but in the dining room eating lunch. she then gave me directions to the dining room: she gave me mrs. moss' room number and directions to it as well.

after, katherine and i walked in the direction of the dining room finally entering the very crowded dining room from the rear. i looked all around the room only to find that mrs. moss was sitting almost directly in front of us...
in the very back of the room...
at a table...

my heart sank.

tearfully, i walked up behind my dearest friend and whispered a, "hey, mrs. moss", into her ear. she turned and smiled like i'd never before seen her smile... crinkling her sweet little nose:) she was THRILLED to see us!!! i gave her a hug, and katherine gave her one, too, but not before giving her a violet she picked from our front yard for her...

mrs. moss began to talk to katherine and me, but what came out of her mouth was mostly gibberish. i pretended to know exactly what she was saying, and katherine followed suit.

then i noticed that mrs. moss hadn't touched the food on her plate, hence, i proceeded to feed her her. she ate most of her mashed potatoes and ALL her jell-o (mrs. moss LOVED jell-o)...
as for her chicken, she could only stomach a bite or two.


mr. moss quickly made several realizations about the rest home:

*mrs. moss could no longer feed herself: that didn't necessarily mean that she would be provided with someone to feed her.
*mrs. moss had access to the rest home's beauty shop and a standing appointment; that didn't necessarily mean that the beautician would keep a watch over her as she slept under the hair dryer while receiving a second-degree scalp burn the size of a saucer.
*mrs. moss was helped into a clean depends undergarment along with her clothes each morning; that didn't necessarily mean that her undergarment would be changed again before bed time... AT NIGHT.

upon making these realizations, however, a very angry mr. moss sent his sitter/driver to the rest home several times each day to feed mrs. moss her breakfast and lunch and to see to it that she was kept clean and comfortable. further, once her burn healed, mr. moss also hired a beautician to go to the rest home once a week to style her hair and give her a manicure and pedicure...


(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)


Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

Some of this story was hard to read - but so true. How wonderful to read of the constant care and attention to detail the loving Mr. Moss poured upon his lady.

::Jan:: said...

This broke my heart while reading some of it. I love how you visited her and fed her and listened to her intently. Katherine had a great example as a mother. It saddens me greatly about her burn and her lack of great care. But Mr. Moss is a true gentleman. I love how he took it upon himself to make sure she got the care she deserved.


Cheri and Jesse said...

Dani, I feel as if I know the Mosses. What an amazing couple!! It made me sick to my stomach to read about the burn on her scalp, so I can only imagine how you must have felt. As always, thanks for sharing!

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

I think Jan wrote almost exactly what I was going to write. My heart was breaking while I read it. I am glad that she had such a loving and caring husband. I am also glad that she had you.

linda said...

This made me cry Dani...I could just picture Mrs. Moss sitting all alone. The thought breaks my heart!

What a true gentleman Mr. Moss was and what tender love she showed his beloved. What a love story!

SuzanSayz said...

I agree with everyone elses comments. How sad for you and Mr Moss to learn that the place that was expected to care for her was only doing the barest of the bare minimum.

Tabitha said...

It is so sad Dani ~ to think that such a wonderful lady was not looked after properly by the care home.
It is so sweet that Mr Moss still did all those things for his wonderful wife ~ even when she was in the home ~ what a wonderful man he was.
Take care ~ love and big hugs Tabitha XXXX

Tanya said...

Gosh d. reading this post just broke my heart & made me cry!!! How do these places get away with the things that they do or in this case DON'T do!! Mr. Moss was a true gentleman... I love how he sent someone to care for his darling wife & also hired a beautician to do her hair every week... so very beautiful!!


t. xxx


I hope you find that photo you were looking for! xxx

E and T said...

Ohh Dani, this hits close to my heart. As you are aware, I know first hand, how dispicable these places are. This breaks my heart and I have tears overflowing for Mrs Moss. What a blessing for her to have the love of you, Katherine and her precious Mr Moss.

Thank God for Mr Moss, you and Katherine. You were her angels.

No elderly person should EVER have to go through such indignity.

Lots of love

Lucy said...

Dani, This is truly a very sad entry to your story of the beautiful couple. While I was reading of the neglect that poor Mrs Moss had to endure, I thought to my self. My goodness, this lack of care for our very special elderly loved ones happens the world over.
Little Katherine was blessed to have a caring Mum like yourself to guide her through these visits. You are very special Danni. Mr Moss is an inspirational husband throught this whole feature.
Love and hugs XXXXOOOO

Amanda said...

It breaks my heart to learn about the standard of care the mosses both recieved from this Nursing Home.
What a beautiful couple they made.
Amanda x