the human spirit...

when i shared my last post 

(about adding mae to our family)

to facebook, 

a dear friend responded, 

"We can't help ourselves,

Lol, it's the amazing human spirit : ) 

If we harden our heart to love, 

who will take care of little "maemae" 

💕Happiness

~Marlene Brown

~@~

do you know 
what the proverbial 
"human spirit"
is?

biblically, 
it is the breath of life 
God breathed 
into man 
at the time of creation, 
which gave us all 
God-like qualities 
such as: 
intelligence,
creativity,
the ability to emote,
and 
passion.

after the loss 
of my life-long neighbor, 
stella 
and 
her house going on the market,  
katherine's breakup 
with zack, 
the loss of our dear maggie, 
and 
remodel blunder 
after remodel blunder, 
i found myself- 
depleted
at God's feet 
asking Him 
to fill me back up, 
to revitalize me...
and 
for His Holy Spirit 
to help me 
make the right decisions, 
to help me 
know the right words,  
and 
to help me 
mend my broken heart. 

~@~

He wasted no time 
in answering my prayers. 
He reminded me 
john had retired 
and is with me, 
He gave me 
words of grace 
to share 
with katherine and zack, 
and 
He led me directly 
to mae.

this is how i know 
the apostle john was speaking 
words of truth 
when he said, 
"this is how we know
that we live in Him
and 
He in us:
He has given us 
of His Spirit."
(1 john 4:13)

where there is 
the blessed gift 
of 
the Holy Spirit, 
there is no place
for a hardened heart.
we need this soft, 
warm, loving, 
Spirit-filled heart 
to keep us passionate, 
to keep us calm, 
and 
to keep us rolling on...

i know this is truth! 

if you don't believe me, 
ask, seek, knock, 
and  
just see what happens next;) 

love and God's blessings, 
dani xxx

our sweet baby mae...

"imitation is the sincerest form 

of flattery."

-charles caleb colton

~@~

when maggie was growing up, 

i often said 

i would never be without 

a cavalier in my life.

however, 

as she grew older 

and i started to realize 

how hard it was going to be 

to lose her and not have her 

in my life, 

i often said 

i didn't think i could ever have 

another...

it would just be 

too

hard.

~@~

on friday, the day  

after maggie went to heaven, 

john and i talked 

through our grief.

john: i just don't know 

how people go out 

and get another dog 

after losing one. 

me: i know. 

i think if we got one now 

i would feel guilty...

like i was replacing maggie. 

john: i don't think that. 

i just don't think 

i could go through 

this again.

we agreed.

~@~

then, 

late saturday night 

as i lay in bed, 

the thought occurred to me...

maggie 

would not want us 

to be unhappy 

like this

she spent her whole, 

precious life 

making us happy!

reactively, 

i reached over 

and grabbed my phone 

from my nightstand. 

i laid my phone 

on my chest, 

paused, 

and took in a deep breath.

i held it 

and 

released it.

me: God, give me a sign 

if i'm supposed to do this.

picking up my phone, 

i pressed the home key,  

 touched the safari icon, 

and 

typed, 

"cavalier puppies for sale 

in kentucky."

i touched on the site 

that popped up first.

the interactive site asked 

if i were a buyer or a seller,  

the breed 

in which i was interested, 

and, finally,

 for my location.

~@~

at a glance, 

i noticed there were only 

a couple of pages of 

cavies in our area. 

i also noticed

most of the puppies 

were blenheim 

(tan and white). 

i knew i wanted 

either a mostly black tri-color 

(black, tan, and white)

or 

another black and tan

(with a little white) 

like maggie. 

as i scrolled down the page, 

i saw her,

"blaze"!

my eyes filled with tears.

me: should i do this, God?

i knew there would be 

no turning back!

i noticed her birthdate...

9/2.

maggie was an "11" 

baby too.

i touched her picture 

on my screen to enlarge it 

and 

read more about her.

she had the same marks 

as my darling maggie, 

and 

she was a "cuddler".

 ALL.the.signs.

were.there!

in my heart, 

she was already mine.

God  just reinforced 

what i already knew.

after getting 

meester berrong 

on board, 

i called the breeder,

and

we will pick up

our sweet baby mae~

formally known as 

"Princess Margaret Mae

of the Lane".

-in just eleven days.

love and God's blessings, 

dani xxx

fixing it the only way i know how...

she looked 

right into my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i looked right back into hers.

i'm going to fix it, baby.

~@~

when we returned 

to the vet 

to pick up maggie, 

dr. nichols motioned

for us to come back 

to the examining room. 

once we were 

inside the room, dr. nichols

closed the door 

and turned off the lights. 

the only light in the room 

was coming from 

the light board, 

which was holding 

maggie's chest x-ray images. 

without delay,

 dr. nichols explained the image...

pointing out 

the important features: 

maggie's front leg, 

her ribcage, 

her heart, 

and her lungs. 

dr. nichols: ok, we have a couple 

of things going on here.

he pointed to maggie's heart. 

dr. nichols: a normal heart 

is about three ribs in diameter.

(he pointed to maggie's heart 

then directed us to her rib-cage,

which was protecting it.)

maggie's, as you can see, 

is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ribs wide; 

it is enlarged.

i took in a deep breath.

dr. nichols: that's not great, 

but we can live with it.

i exhaled.

dr. nichols: what i'm concerned about 

is this. this is her bronchial tube. 

(he traced a line

running along her spine 

from her neck to her lungs.) 

see how it runs smoothly 

then arches up and back down 

before it gets to her lungs?

i looked at john 

then back at dr. nichols.

we both nodded,

we saw it.

dr. nichols went on to explain 

there were tumors 

and inflammation 

around the base of maggie's heart,

which were compromising 

more than half 

of her breathing capacity 

causing her rapid breathing. 

dr. nichols: i have given her 

an anti-inflammatory. 

hopefully that will help... 

me (interrupting): is she in pain?

dr. nichols: no, she is not.  

she isn't suffering at all, 

and, hopefully, 

the anti inflammatory will help. 

we should know if it's going to 

by the weekend. 

~@~

shutting down, 

i didn't really want to hear 

anything else. 

i just wanted 

to get my girl  

and take her home.

dr. nichols: (aware i was fading) 

how about i go get her? 

i smiled and nodded. 

me: thank you.

when he brought her to us, 

she looked like my maggie... 

she was definitely feeling better.

i grabbed her up into 

my arms.

we exchanged kisses.

~@~

we brought her home. 

i fed her, 

and she ate!

afterwards, 

i made her comfortable 

in our bed. 

i lay down next to her 

and cuddled her.

she kissed me.

i told her how much 

i love her 

and her kisses. 

then she looked at me...

right in my eyes.

fix it, mama.

i kissed her nose,  

hugged her tightly, 

and began to sob...

i'm fixing it

the only way 

i know how, my little lovie.

love and God's blessings, 

dani xxx