mosses monday XXIV...

fall faded into winter,
winter to spring,
and spring to summer...

in the summer of 1998, i stopped by the rest home to visit mrs. moss. as usual, she was sitting in the hall in a line... i saw her before she saw me. i could see in her face something was different. her eyes were cloudier than the last time i'd visited, her skin was grayer in color, and she looked lonely.

i wondered if the change in her was due to her missing... him.

~@~@~@~

unfortunately, due to a fall (which had caused several of his vertebrae to be crushed), mr. moss hadn't been able to visit mrs. moss for several weeks prior to my visit.
(he had, however, continued to send jean, his driver/caregiver, several times a day to check on her.)

~@~@~@~

i was nearly upon mrs. moss before she noticed me. when she looked up at me, i smiled at her. instead of visiting in the hallway, which we normally did, i wheeled her into her room and over close to her window. then, i opened the blinds to allow in some sunshine.

for a moment, mrs. moss gazed at the field which stretched for miles outside her window. but, she soon returned her eyes to mine. i sat on the foot of her bed and took her soft, white, nearly translucent hands in mine, and i started talking about flowers.

mrs. moss loved flowers.

i told her the geraniums and petunias mr. moss had planted on the court for her (he planted flowers for her every year as a mother's day gift) were absolutely beautiful as were her rhodi's (rhododendrons) and azaleas.

she just sat blankly staring at me.

so, i asked her if she wanted to sing. oddly enough, for nearly two years, mrs. moss hadn't been able to remember her loved ones' names but could remember the words to most church hymns and always enjoyed singing a few with me when i visited.

though i began to sing one of her very favorites, "fairest Lord Jesus", she continued to sit there expressionless... voiceless.

i felt huge tears welling up in my eyes.

it was as the tears began to roll down my face that i had a strange feeling come over me. i cannot describe it, exactly, other than to say that it felt like mrs. moss' spirit was hovering over me. her body was still sitting in her wheel chair, her delicate hands were still in mine, and she was still breathing. however, it was like her spirit and body were no longer one.

i felt as if her spirit was enveloping me.

for a while, i stayed. through my tears, i continued singing. i was certain she was singing right along with me.

then, i released mrs. moss' hands, wheeled her back into the hallway, kissed her cheek, and whispered, "i love you"...

for the very last time.

~@~@~@~

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)