be still...

when i awoke at 5:30 this morning,

i did the same thing i have done for the past seventeen mornings...

i checked my facebook on my cell to read updates
concerning lane goodwin.

(if you would like to know more about lane,

click HERE.)

these were the words i read
which lane's mother, angie,
had written in the wee hours of the morning:

"Laying here holding my sweet Lane not knowing if I have 5 min or 5 days left with him. I'm so blessed that God choose me to be his mom & I will never STOP praying or believing in a Miracle! I don't know why God has chosen Lane to Spread Awareness about Childhood Cancer but our Family will never stop fighting! We have meet so many wonderful families & warriors on this journey that have now become very close friends & have received hundreds of e-mails, txt's & calls from them & others telling us how grateful they are that the World is now becoming Aware! It does truly break my heart however that there is a person spreading lies, calling news channels & making negative post that they are very upset that Lane is getting all this attention instead of their child :( Awareness is about ALL KIDS! As I said before It took Susan G Komen to bring awareness to Breast Cancer & if God has chosen Lane to bring Awareness to Childhood Cancer then this will be about ALL KIDS! We have always shared the stories of other warriors we have meet on this journey & we will continue to do so but right now our focus is on our dying son. All kids fighting this "monster" need to be heard & A CURE needs to be found!!"

when i reached the end of angie's update,

all i could think was

be still

and

know

I

am

GOD

with my thumbs i typed these words in reply...

"make no room in your life for negativity... surround yourself only by the blessing that is. the reason it's lane only God knows, but the most important thing is that HE knows lane, and lane knows HIM. what is happening is greater than we realize:).
Psalm 46:10 HE says, 'Be still, and know that I am God.'
l, dxxx"

~@~

as a child of GOD myself,

i recognized the greatness of what was about to happen

seventeen days ago when i read these words of lane's mother.

"The seizures have continued. They are trying the last anti-seizure med & if it doesn't work Lane will be put into a medical coma. The hope will be that his brain will rest & they will be able to get the MRI & when they bring him out of the coma the seizures would have stopped. We have had some very difficult conversations tonight. As much as I want to tell my sweet boy to keep fighting I DO NOT want him to suffer!! I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! I loved him & told him that if God tells him it's time to come home then it's ok & if he tells him it's not then that's ok to. I would give my life to see my sweet Lane walk out of this hospital cancer free!!! Please pray that Lane does not suffer! Please pray for his little brother Landen."

they were the words

the Holy Spirit

led me to pray
years ago.

i knew in my heart this little boy's purpose

was

not.yet.fulfilled.

it was not!

it is not still!

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

ps. spread the WORD and make others aware of the fact that childhood cancer research needs more attention!!!

three little kittens...

on december 23, 2009,

katherine took notice of

a little, black kitten,

which had showed up here on the lane.

she quickly made the assumption

that the kitten was a Christmas present

so, the two of us made a trip

to rural king, bought an outdoor pet igloo,

heated bedding, and kitten food.

milton became part of our family...

almost two years to the day later,
on december 26, 2011,
milton went missing.
we drove around the neighborhood looking for him;
we went to the human society
as well as to a local non-for-profit shelter.
we made fliers, posted on facebook, and even put out a missing pet announcement on craig's list.
he was nowhere to be found
and no sign of a struggle...
he just disappeared.

~@~

after several months of waiting...
hoping he would return,
we decided to rescue another kitten.

~@~

katherine and i went in search of another black kitten.
but what we found were a couple of yellow tabbies,
brothers,
which had never been separated.

katherine fell instantly in love with them,
and once john caved,
we rescued them both and brought them home
to the lane.
we rescued both because it was obvious that one
was completely dependent on the other.

martin and marrett became part of our family...

for a little over three months,
they made their home here on the lane.
then one morning katherine went out to feed them.
martin was gone!

~@~

again, we looked everywhere.
i called the animal shelters to see
if he had turned back up there.
(this time both martin and marrett were chipped.)
he was not...
the person i spoke with asked if i knew of anyone on or around the lane that might have a trap.
i didn't.
the thought that someone was trapping our pets
was sickening.
even worse were the thoughts of what someone may be doing to/with our cats once he caught them...

~@~

as i wrote earlier marrett was totally dependent
on martin; and with martin gone he was pitiful.
he mourned.

several days later, i saw marrett run across the back yard with something in his mouth.
i thought at the time that it was a baby raccoon.
then after running errands that afternoon
i saw him curled up with the small animal in our garage.
when i got closer, the tiny animal scurried.
i was sure it was a raccoon.

~@~

poor marrett had gone out and replaced martin
with a raccoon?
it was sad and funny at the same time.
katherine and i looked around the yard for the baby.
while searching we heard a cry...
a tiny "meow".
it wasn't a raccoon at all.
marrett had brought home a kitten.

he was a different cat:)
he loved her,
he protected her,
he bathed her,
and
he let her eat his food and drink his water.
he thought she was his baby;
for all practical purposes she was.

that is, until last monday morning. john saw marrett when he left for work, but we haven't seen him since then.
~@~
now we have a baby we haven't even named. we are caring for her just like marrett did hoping she doesn't disappear as well.

~~~~~~~~~~
we live on an acre of land on one of the quietest streets in town. our cats were outside cats when we happened onto them. we had them neutered, vaccinated, and protected against fleas and ticks. they were a part of our family. now, they are gone. our cats have not been hit by cars. there is no evidence that they have been  injured or hurt. further, they have not been dropped at any of the animal shelters.
i really wish that if anyone has seen them or knows where i might could find them, please let me know... berrongs@hotmail.com

love and God's blessings, dani xxx

her "liddle fadder"...

"look mom, it's my liddle fadder!!!

he's so cute..."

(katherine age 3)

~@~

before john and i married we talked about everything.

he was concerned that with our age difference

i would want children but felt he was too old to be a dad.

he was wrong...

happy father's day, mister berrong:)

we love you!

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

while the kat's away...

the "m's" will play...

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

hope continues to float...

it is time for relay for life again.tonight hendersonians will gather together to walk in honor of those living with and those who have overcome cancer.  as well, they will walk in memory of those who have lost their fights, respectively,to this horrible disease...
the hope is that the moneys raised will result in finding a cure.
the following is my post from last year...
~@~
6-14-2011
as a believer, i always have hope.
God is the grounds for hope...
for believing good can happen.
God is also the grounds for knowing...
He will make good of that we give over to Him.
believing gives us hope.
belief prepares us for and supports us through the worst
with the knowledge that God is good always!

i have passed these beliefs on to katherine.

~@~



months ago when it was time for katherine to order graduation invitations, she chose to forgo doing so. she said she didn't want to send them because she didn't want people to think she was asking for something (other than their presence at her commencement) in return. after a little brainstorming, i went back to her and explained that if she didn't send out invitations there would be those who would think they were overlooked. i made a proposal to her. i told her that she could put an insert in each of her pre-printed invitations, and on it she could make her intentions known. she was happy with the idea.

hence, she decided to request only the gift of the recipients' presence at her ceremony and to give those who insisted on gifting an option.

~@~

before katherine was even 10 years old, she lost 2 people to whom she was very close to cancer. a third was diagnosed and given only a 2% chance of surviving more than 5 years. so, the summer before her tenth birthday, she started actively participating in our local relay for life. that year she walked in memory of her uncle gary and dear friend, ernie, and in honor of her uncle stevie who was in the battle of his life...
for his life.

respectively, cancer robbed her of the man who she spent countless hours with out on his pontoon on his beloved lake misty. cancer robbed her of the man with whom she visited, shared candy corn, and whom she thought was her granddad. further, cancer was attempting to rob her of her uncle stevie with whom she went on most every vacation and celebrated every holiday.

she loved these men with all her heart...

~@~

over the next five years, cancer took katherine's great-uncle bill
and jack, her neighbor... her best buddy.
however, uncle stevie, beat the odds; he was in the 2% that survived!

~@~

even through loss, katherine continued to hope.
she continued to walk for a cure.

~@~

the option upon which she decided was a great one in her opinion.

on her invitation inserts, she wrote:

only the gift of your presence is requested.
however, you may make a contribution to alcan/rio tinto's
relay for life in memory of my uncles:
gary berrong
bill manion
or
steve hurd.
love, katherine

you may have noticed that steve hurd was listed as in memory of instead of in honor of...
katherine's uncle stevie died a week to the day before she received her graduation announcements in the mail...

he won the cancer battle but lost the war of life.

~@~

friends and family were very generous, so generous in fact, katherine was able to donate enough money to purchase more than 60 luminaries! she donated her own money for luminaries in memory of ernie and jack.

kat was thrilled she was able to pay her gifts forward to a great cause...
the search for a cure for cancer!


love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

clover rings...

pigs, puppies, a butterfly,

kentucky floating in the sky,

and the face of God no lie.

i've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

honeysuckle, clover rings

shoo fly pie and a fairy's wings

soft quilt pallets and other things

i've looked at love that way.

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

rose colored glasses, pony-tails

grandmothers' love that never fails

a wedding gown and painted nails

i've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at al

(both sides now II... a collaboration with joni mitchell;)

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

how we came to be...

on this 22nd anniversary of my marriage

to john i reflect on 

how we came to be.

initially, i think it was his tight levi's,

his much lived-in, original 501's...

the ones with the hole in the left leg 

where the bottom of his pocket showed through

just a little.

you may think i am kidding;

but, i am not;)

and then there were his eyes...

omgoodness, his eyes...

all dark and brooding.

the first time he ever really spoke to me

i got lost in those eyes...

the windows to his soul.

they spoke volumes to me.

they told me john was a good man;

they also told me he was a little sad...

a lot lonely.

i was born a fixer.

everything in me wanted to fix him,

to make him happy,

to love him,

to spend the rest of my life with him.

i can honestly say without any hesitation

that i fell in love with him

at first sight.

i told him that day i was going to marry him,

and i did...

2 long years later.

~@~

i often joke and tell people that john chased me and begged me to marry him for 2 years at which time i gave in and accepted his proposal.  but that is not the truth... ha, actually far from it.  when i met john i was 19 years old; he was 38, which meant nothing to me but a lot to those around us.  i never quite understood the big deal. those of you who have kept up with my life on the lane over the years, know that i have always been an old soul.  

as a matter of fact, the average age of my friends at the time was probably 60'ish. 

 john was actually a young

 friend of mine;) 

i loved my new friend's sense of humor,

his laugh,

his tough act,

his sweetness when no one looking,

his eyes,

his levi's...

i loved my new friend,

and i knew that he dug me as well.

we spent a summer getting to know each other

before either of us addressed our attraction.

we dined, laughed, watched baseball games, and talked...

a lot.

~@~

the night before i was supposed to leave to go back to college, i decided to tell him how i really felt about him.  i knew he would never make the first move.

 he was a gentleman...

a very unassuming man.

when i arrived at his house, he was in his back den watching a ball game.  i knocked at his door.  i was a little nervous but very excited.  he came into his living room and opened the door for me.  he was smiling his dark eyes twinkled.  i grabbed him and hugged him tightly. i kissed his neck and earlobe walking him backward across the room to his couch.  i backed away and looked into his eyes.

i told him i had fallen in love with him.

he grabbed me and kissed my lips.

he said he had fallen in love with me too!

that's how we came to be.

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

it was a start...

for almost 20 years i have been blessed with being able to be a full time mom to katherine. during that time while she was in school, i have worked outside my home: part-time, some-of-the-time, and none-of-the-time. i have enjoyed the luxury of choice. however, with katherine finishing up her freshman year at college, i've been contemplating going back to work full time just as i did before she was born.

so, i applied several months ago for a position with smokefree communities. the job opening was mainly for a public relations position. although i had a little bit of pr experience in my proverbial tool box. i was not what they wanted. i got a really nice letter of thanks but no thanks.

i kept looking...

then, several weeks ago i noticed that a position was available as the manager of risk assessment and environmental at a local university. again, i applied. i didn't get my hopes up thus was totally shocked when the director of administrative services called last week to set up an interview with me.... an interview!

it has been years since i interviewed for a job as i have spent most of my career contracting out safety engineering services.

however, i know the ropes.

first, i needed a new suit. being used to dressing in jeans, steel-toed boots, and a hard hat, i felt quite odd standing in a macy's fitting room clad in a kasper suit. i stood looking in the mirror wondering if this would be the new me. i purchased the suit last wednesday and immediately began surfing the internet for information pertaining to the position.

yesterday was the big day! i was as ready as i was going to be. i donned the suit. i filled my attache with extra copies of my resume, a copy of the job description, a list of questions, my reading glasses, new pens, lipstick and powder, and altoids.

off i went!

(me in the suit)

all and all, i think my interview went well; i was very comfortable during the interview. i left feeling good that i'd made it through and was able to answer all the questions he asked of me. i'm not sure that i will get a second interview; for the position is a heavier environmental one rather than safety and risk, and my expertise is much heavier safety and risk rather than environmental. however, it was a start:)

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

eleven years...

(kay and i at gary's memorial)


eleven years ago today i sat on one side of the bed hospice provided for my brother-in-law, gary, while his sister/my sister-in-law, kay, sat on the other. gary lay between us... dying.

the day was beautiful much like today. the sun was shining, and there was a bit of a chill in the early april breeze. in my hand i held a copy of louis l'more's paperback novel, tennessee. gary didn't lack much being finished reading it, so i began reading aloud to him.


willie nelson's, stardust, played in the background...


and now the purple dusk of twilight time
steals across the meadows of my heart
high up in the sky the little stars climb
always reminding me that we're apart


the day had been planned, but things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to have. all the berrongs were supposed to come down to take the boats out on lake misty for the first outing of the season. gary, though very weak and in a lot of pain, was looking so forward to the day. he had had a great night prior. i gave him a haircut; john shaved his face. the four of us, gary, linda, john, and i, enjoyed fried catfish fiddlers and banana pudding from the lake's greasy spoon, george's. (by the way, george was a lady.) and gary enjoyed a very restful night.



you wander down the lane and far away
leaving me a song that will not die
love is now the stardust of yesterday
the music of the years gone by



however, that friday evening was not at all indicative of the saturday morning that followed. i've written before of the events that occurred. i will never forget them as they are etched in my mind and on my heart and will be for eternity. in the end gary gave his life to God; in the end God took it and rewarded him with heaven. he saw it's beauty from a distance in the wee hours of that saturday morning. he finally made it to the gates early that afternoon. i held one hand; kay held the other. and, in an instant he was gone.



sometimes i wonder why i spend
the lonely night dreaming of a song
the melody haunts my reverie
and i am once again with you
when our love was new
and each kiss an inspiration
but that was long ago
now my consolation
is in the stardust of a song



he took one final breath. it was a deep one. he exhaled. then nothing.


in the final months of gary's life, he and i grew close. God drew us very near to one another. God gave me the words to say to gary and the signs i needed to know i was doing His will. God's signs to me came through music, through numbers, through roses and through the color purple. these signs were things i asked Him for; they were signs not unlike those found in the Bible.
they were the signs along the highway leading to the exit ramp of gary's life. together we followed them closely. together we brought him safely home.


~@~


beside a garden wall
when stars are bright
you are in my arms
the nightingale tells his fairy tale
of paradise where roses grew
though i dream in vain
in my heart it always will remain


our special relationship began one night when Gary asked me to tell him about the God i know and love. i shared with him. then he shared with me that although he prayed (mostly for forgiveness) he could never end the prayer with "amen". i knew exactly where he was coming from and smiled. i shared with him that i too had a problem with follow-through.
i knew that for him to say the word meant surrendering (one of the hardest things for humans to do). i told him that his life and illness were going to progress regardless of whether or not he chose to surrender but that if he would have faith the moment he did God would carry his burden. i told gary truth is freedom and God is truth. i also promised him i would pray without ceasing that he be able to unburden himself, that he would enjoy forgiveness, freedom, joy, no pain, love, and peace.

therefore i honored my promise, and i shared his story via the internet to people all around the world. there were prayers abounding. then on a night weeks before that saturday morning, eleven years ago, when gary left us to go to heaven, he said a prayer with my sister-in-law, kay. afterwards on a piece of paper he penned the word, "AMEN!!!" (in all capital letters followed by three exclamation points). in the weeks that followed... he experienced forgiveness, freedom, joy, a painless day, love, and finally peace.

God answered.



my stardust melody
the memory of love's refrain.



love and God's blessings,
dani xxx


ps. AMEN!!!

mosses monday XLVI...

as time goes by
i remember the love...



love that was patient...
which was kind neither jealous
nor ever boastful.

love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled,
"our love story":)