And
now I’m glad I didn't know
The
way it all would end...
The
way it all would go.
The night before Gary’s funeral, I lay in bed pondering the words I
would use to eulogize my precious brother in law. Gary’s beautiful story of redemption could
tell itself, but I didn’t want to disappoint Linda, Gary’s wife, or God in my
delivery.
As I lay there carefully choosing my
words and organizing my thoughts, something occurred to me, God, you have meticulously mapped out the
way this all has gone! In the
silence of the night I was in awe. I still recall getting goosebumps I got when
the words, "God's timing is like a perfect dance," came to me. In that
moment all I knew was I needed something to write with and on! I quickly
and quietly made my way out of bed and down the stairs to where I knew I would
find both. When I flipped on the lights,
I saw on the coffee table a small tablet, a couple of ink pens, and my Bible- My lands, I couldn't get up and speak at Gary’s funeral without
using God's word! What was I thinking?
Our
lives are better left to chance.
I
could have missed the pain,
But
I’d of had to miss the dance.
So,
I curled up on the couch with pen paper and my Bible. After penning the word Dance on the paper, I closed and sat the
tablet to my side. I sat and stared at my Bible lying in my lap. Searching, I
flipped through the pages...
nothing.
I turned to the index for passages containing "timing" or
"dance".
Nothing.
I
began to pray...
Thank
you, God, for revealing yourself
to
us through Gary. You have written such a beautiful story to share though my
words are not enough; I need yours too...
In
that instant, I was enveloped by Him. My
chest was hot; I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, the hairs on my arms stood
erect!
Looking
back on the memory
Of the
dance we shared
Beneath
the stars above.
John! I
heard Him say.
(Of
course, John was my earthly connection to Gary.)
I
opened my Bible and turned to the Book of John.
"What
about John, God?" I asked,
"I’m
here, what now?"
You know. He answered.
"I
do?"
I
thought...
"11:11?"
I questioned.
(As
cliché as it sounds it’s the sign He gave me.)
Look. See. He responded.
After He had
said this, He went on to tell them, 'our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep;
but I am going there to wake him up.' (niv, John 11:11)
OH.MY.WORD.
Lazarus!
All
those months ago on the night Gary asked me to share my God with him, I
shared the story of Lazarus concluding I didn’t know how things would end, but I
knew God was using Gary and me.
For
a moment all the world was right.
How
could I have known?
That
you'd ever say goodbye?
Gary’s
story had come full circle.
The
Alpha and the Omega-
I
knew it, He was there at the beginning of Gary’s journey…
He
was there at the end:
"Look,
Dani, look through the roof!
IT'S.SO.BEAUTIFUL!"
Gary exclaimed.
"Do
you see it?" he asked.
There
was silence. The three of us turned our undivided attention to Gary.
I
asked, "What did you say, Gary?"
He
repeated, "Look through the roof, isn't it beautiful?"
Heaven…
(Gary
was seeing Heaven.)
But
if I’d only known
How
the king would fall,
Hey,
who’s to say, you know,
I
might have changed it all.
I
tore the piece of paper I’d written on from the tablet and used it to mark my
place in my Bible. Before turning out
the light, I glanced around the room.
Thank you, God. I love you.
(Honestly,
I don't know how I slept…
I had been
in HIS presence.
HE had spoken
to me.
HE had revealed HIS perfection,
HIS plan,
His
whole self…
to me!)
And,
He wasn’t finished…
The
following morning I awoke. With my Bible
in hand, I went downstairs to the kitchen where I found Linda with the same
notepad and pen I’d used the night prior.
"My
Dani, this is how I think I want the service to go," she said
and handed me the tablet.
Tears
welled up in my eyes. Then came the hot chest and the loud pounding of my
heartbeat in my head followed by goosebumps which, once again, caused the hair
on my arms to stand at attention. I thought my knees would buckle beneath me.
From between the pages of the Book of
John, I pulled the paper I’d written the word Dance and handed it to her.
Immediately,
she saw: she knew.
IT.WAS.GOD .
Unbeknownst
to me prior to that very moment, Linda had decided to use Garth Brooks' song, The
Dance, as the theme for Gary’s funeral.
OH.MY.GOD…
THE
DANCE!
Yes
my life is better left to chance.
I
could have missed the pain,
But
I’d of had to miss the dance.
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