Monday, May 27, 2013

the dance... (happy birthday, gary!)

and now i'm glad i didn't know
 the way it all would end...
the way it all would go.



~@~

the night before gary's funeral, 
i crawled into bed with linda...
 as i didn't want her to be alone.
 linda was so exhausted.

 it wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep.
 i lay there in the darkness
carefully choosing my words
for i didn't want to disappoint linda,
and i most certainly
 didn't want to disappoint God!
 gary's story could tell itself.
but i promised linda i'd tell it
 and tell it well.

i thought to myself...
 
 losing someone is never easy,
but, man,
God has made our loss
as easy as He possibly could have.
it was if He has meticulously mapped out
 the way it all would go.

i still recall getting goosebumps
 when the words,
"God's timing is like a perfect dance,"
 came to my mind.

~@~

 our lives are better left to chance.
i could have missed the pain,
 but i'd of had to miss the dance.

by that time, linda was sleeping soundly.
i needed something to write with and paper!
 i quickly and quietly made my way out of bed
 and downstairs to where there were
 a pen, paper, a light, and my Bible.

MY.LANDS

 i couldn't get up and speak at gary's funeral
without using God's word!
what was i thinking?
so, i curled up on the couch
 and looked down at a closed Bible in my lap.
i had grabbed an ink pen and a small tablet
 from the dining room table.
on it, i wrote the word, "dance"

 then set it aside in order to find
supporting scripture.
  searching, i flipped through the pages...
nothing.
i turned to the index for passages
 containing the terms,
 "timing" or "dance".
 nothing.

~@~

 then, i began to pray...

 thank you, God, for revealing yourself
 to us through gary.
 You have given me such a beautiful story to share.
 my words are not enough though;
i need Yours too...
 
suddenly, i felt God's presence
 all around me.

i heard Him ask,
"what brought you to this place?"

 the goosebumps i had earlier experienced
 were nothing compared to the ones
 popping up on my skin at that moment!
the hair on my arms was standing up straight,
 my chest was hot,
 and i could hear my heartbeat.

looking back on the memory 
of the dance we shared
beneath the stars above.

 john!

i opened my Bible
and flipped to the book of john.

"what about john, God?" i asked,
"i'm here, what now?"

"dani, you know," He answered.

 "i do?"

~@~

i thought...

 "11:11?" i questioned.

 "look. see." He responded.

 "after He had said this, He went on to tell them, 'our friend lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.'” (niv, john 11:11)
OH.MY.WORD

lazarus!
 all those months ago
 on the night gary asked me
 about my relationship with God,
 i shared with him the story of lazarus...
 i told him to place his faith in God
 and that regardless of how this all would end
 God would be with him,
 and it would be okay.
furthermore, i told him
 i didn't know what God was going to do
 but that i knew God was already doing something.

john 11:11..

 lazarus...

 WOW!

~@~

  for a moment all the world was right.
how could i have known 
that you'd ever say goodbye?

gary's story had come full circle...
 the Alpha and the Omega
 He was there at the beginning of gary's journey.

~@~

but if i'd only known
how the king would fall,
hey,
who's to say, you know,
i might have changed it all.

 He was there at the end:
 "look, dani, look through the roof...
 IT'S.SO.BEAUTIFUL!!!"

 "do you see it?" he asked me.

 there was silence. 
 the three of us turned our undivided
 attention to gary.

 i said, "what did you say, gary?!!?!"
 he repeated,

 "look through the roof, isn't it beautiful?"

~@~

i ripped the piece of paper
i'd been writing on
from the tablet, turned off all the lights,
and on wobbly knees made my way up the stairs,
back to bed.

honestly, i don't know how i slept...

for, i had been in HIS presence.
 HE had spoken to me.
 HE had shown HIS perfection,
 HIS plan...

to me?

~@~

as well,
 the timing of HIS latest revelation
 couldn't have been more perfect...

 the following morning i awoke
 a little later than the others.
 i went downstairs to the kitchen
 where i found linda
 with the same notepad and pen
 i'd used the night prior.

" mydani, this is how i want the service to go..."
she said and handed me the tablet.

 tears welled up in my eyes,
 then came the goosebumps,
 the standing hair on my arms,
 the hot chest,
the loud heartbeat,
 and i thought my knees were going
 to buckle beneath me.

 i handed my piece of paper to her.
 she saw and knew, too!!!

IT.WAS.GOD 

 unbeknownst to me until that very moment,
linda had decided to use garth brooks'
 the dance 
as the theme for gary's funeral.

OH.MY.GOD

THE.DANCE

 yes my life is better left to chance.
 i could have missed the pain, 
but i'd of had to miss the dance.

 
in loving memory of our gary,
 on his birthday...
 on this memorial day.

 love and God's blessings,
dani xxx

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