mosses monday XXXIV...

later that evening the icu doctor explained that mosses had congestive heart failure and a bit of pneumonia in one of his lungs. further, he said that he had decided to give mosses a coma-inducing sedative so that his body could rest and he would not fight the ventilator. worried, i stayed in the icu waiting room that night.

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the next morning, mosses' nieces, nephew, and jean joined me in the icu waiting room. there were designated visiting times throughout the day for visiting the critically ill. when the icu ward doors were opened, we went in to see him two by two. mosses was resting peacefully. i kissed him on the forehead and whispered that i loved him in his ear.

again, the icu doctor greeted us. he told us that mosses had had an uneventful night (which was a very good thing) and with a couple of days of rest and antibiotics he should be on the mend.

"thank you, God!!!" i thought to myself.

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after receiving such good news, i decided to go ahead with our plans to leave for georgia... as our family had been preparing for our visit, katherine was so excited, and john assured me he would check in on mosses daily.

thus, i returned home, packed the van, and off we went.

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john's reports for the first couple of days were expected. mosses was still receiving antibiotics and sedatives and was resting. however, when john called the third day, i detected concern in his voice. he told me they had completely weaned mosses off the sedative, mosses was flailing (fighting the ventilator, which he needed), and that he was restrained.

worried, i asked john if the doctor considered this to be normal. john replied, "i haven't seen the doctor, but...." he hesitated.

"'but'??? but what, john???" i asked.

"dani, when i went in to see him,
mr. moss' eyes were opened and fixed.
he was despondent."

my heart felt instantly heavy and my cheeks and ears began to burn. "i'm getting ready to pack, john; we will be home early this evening."

"ok," he replied, "be careful!!!"

katherine and i were packed and on the road home within the next 20 minutes.

for the next 9 hours, all i could hear in my head were the words
"he was despondent".

for the next 9 hours, all i could think was
"God, mosses isn't ready yet...
i'm not ready, yet..."

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it was a long 9 hours.

~@~@~@~@~@~

(to be continued...)

love and God's blessings,
dani xx

ps you will find earlier entries in ascending order on my side bar entitled, "our love story":)