because i love him...

when john and i were dating

his sister often asked me,

"why are you dating him?'

my reply was always,

"because i love him."

~@~

i awoke this morning to john holding my hand.

before i was even awake,

my heart began to sing.

sometimes i have to pinch myself

so as to know i am not dreaming.

then i think,

God really gave him to me...

and i smile.

~@~

over the years

we have had issues

both through and around

which we have 

worked.

things have not always been 

dreamy.

thankfully though,

we never allowed the issues

to define us.

love.has.defined.who.we.are.

~@~

nearly 25 years ago

i went to john and expressed

my feelings for him.

john was a very guarded man.

however,

he allowed me into his world-

into his heart.

God blessed me

with john.

make no mistake,

it was not the other way around.

i prayed to God

for him.

God answered my prayers.

~@~

john and i celebrated our 23rd

anniversary on saturday:

23 years together

because i love him

and he loves me

and

GOD loves us...

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

a few of my favorite things...

anyone who knows me

knows

i.am.not.a.things.kind.of.person.

i

am

an

if.it.lives.and.breathes.kind.of.person.

however,

there are a few things i love.

~@~

i love...

flannel pajamas

hard-wood floors

ralph lauren tee shirts

double-dutch doors

violets and daisies
most all wild flowers
thick soft towels
long warm showers

my haflinger house shoes

abercrombie flip flops

my black madden sandals

i don't wear crocks

my johnny cash boots

my weekender jeans

my ribbed black turtleneck

and a few more things...

marzetti's honey mustard
heinz 57
nutella on most anything
tastes like heaven

diet coke from mcdonald's

with a fat straw

reese's cups and snickers

that's not all

mint chocolate chip ice cream

two scoops in a cone
martin's photography
pictures taken with my phone

ray ban sunglasses
paul sebastian's design
my pandora necklace
a good bottle of wine

fructis and secret
skintimate and crest
new sharp razors
venuses are best

cascade and dawn
downy and tide
bounty and charmin
the squeezable kind

my jeep commander
the one that guzzles gas
my john deere tractor
mowing the grass

floating in the pool

writing in bed

watching cnn

or breaking bad instead

when maggie snores

when a bell rings

when i'm feeling well

these are a few of my favorite things

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

sanctity of the lane...

for many reasons,

i have always treasured

my life on the lane...

especially in the spring

and summer.

when the flowers and trees

are in full bloom,

the lane looks much like

an original,

thomas kinkade

painting.

the lane is also a bit enchanted...

we have deer,

squirrels,

foxes,

raccoons,

opossums,

groundhogs,

moles,

turtles,

owls,

bats,

and

birds...

lots of birds. 

what i've always 

treasured most

though

are my next-door neighbors,

the davis'.

when i moved here 

as a little girl

with my parents,

jack and stella quickly became
my best friends

(even though i was only nine

and they were in their sixties.)

i remember in the summers

anxiously 
watching out the living room window

or them to arrive home from work.

i got so giddy 

when i saw their woody station wagon

 pull into their driveway.
like clockwork, 
the two got out of the car,

stella went in to start supper, 
and 
jack headed to his garage.

as soon as i saw jack 
sitting in his lawn chair.

i ran over to 

"play."

when he saw me coming,
he stood and 

grabbed an extra lawn chair for me.
"dani, sit down here with me!"
he would say.

we sat and watched 

sanford and son

almost every afternoon together.

although i was only a mere fourth-grader,

 jack talked to me like i was grown.

i liked that!
we talked about school,
politics, family, money,
bb guns, gardening, 
etc...

when stella saw that i was there,

she brought jack and me

Coca-Cola
or sweet tea

poured over ice

in ball jars.

she handed us our drinks 

and then dried her hands on her

apron.

stella was beautiful.

(stella.is.still.beautiful.)

she always had her hair

fixed.

and...

whether she was dressed 

for church

or

in shorts, a polo,

tennis shoes,

and apron,

she looked like

a model-modern-housewife-and-mother.

she never failed to ask me about my day.

i remember trying to come up

with a good tale

because i loved, loved, loved

to hear her reply,

"well, good grief!"

it reminded me of charlie brown

and always made me giggle.

she then usually returned to her kitchen

to continue preparing dinner.

jack and i sipped

our drinks

(well, jack took swigs of his 

after each spit of tobacco;)

all the while watching 

 fred sanford

grab his shoulder 

and tell his late wife,

elizabeth,

he was coming to join her.

jack could imitate fred
to a t, 
which also made me giggle.

after a while,

mom would holler 

for me to come home

for dinner,

and

stella called jack in as well.

~@~

many nights

after we ate supper

mom allowed me 
to rejoin them in their backyard..

i don't know if i was a bother to them,

but if i was,

they never made me feel like it.

there were no other children on the lane.

they were all i had.

they were 

all i needed.

i.loved.them.

~@~

when i was little

we never took summer vacations.

but,

that was okay

because jack and stella didn't either.

my jack

preached the sanctity of the lane...

he would scoot to the front of his lawn-chair

expand his arms as wide as he could

as if presenting something  really special

and rhetorically ask,

"why would we want to 

go anywhere else

when we have everything we need

right here?"

 i would look at him,
he had a sparkle in his eye.
grin,
and think to myself,

"why?" indeed!

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

i think he knew the way...

the first week of april always brings

about 

in me

a flood of memories

of 

a

most precious time in my life.

for

it was time spent with gary

in the days leading up to his

journey

home.

~@~

on several occasions

(first here and again here)

i've shared

the story of his death...

it.was.beautiful.

it was raw,
but,

yes...
oh.yes.

beauty full.

~@~

God's presence

was as dense and expansive

as the fog that hovered over

lake misty

on those last, cool,
april mornings
of gary's

life.

gary lived most of his life

admittedly 

without God in it.

but once he allowed

God in...

GOD
NEVER
FORSOOK
HIM!

GOD
also took 
great care of those of us
surrounding gary.
HE made sure to include
us in the details 
of HIS plan for gary.
HE
knew
we were watching
and
HE
didn't want us to miss a thing.
HE
knew
we would witness
to what we saw.
HE
knew
HIS HOLY SPIRIT
would not let us forget
a single,
important
detail
of gary's story.

i've written
(in the aforementioned places)
about the most important
details.
but there are others i have
of the time leading up to gary's
departure.

like...

when gary told me i needed
to see
remember the titans
and
gladiator.
he also told me
to listen to
the song,
time marches on...
that it's true,
it does, indeed, march on.

like...

when we were on our way
to buy new sheets and a comforter
for gary's hospital bed,
linda asked me what
i thought 
GOD
 was going to do.
and i answered
i didn't know
but it was going to be something
BIG
and i'd known 
that much
from the very moment 
of gary's diagnosis.

like...

when i left the house
that morning to go run errands
for linda...
while gary lay dying,
this song was on the radio...
(you should listen to the very end)




on a station to which
i didn't recall setting
my tuner.

like...

when i was reading the end of gary's book
to him,
there was a character named "violet"
and that our yard was literally 
full of violets 
when we returned home 
to prepare for his funeral.
and that in those few pages i read to him
before he
 left us
there were the two words,
rouge
and
arroyo,
in the text...
(the only words missing 
from the last crossword puzzle 
gary would finish
the night prior).
and how i paused and smiled
when i came to them in my reading.

like...

when john's sister-in-law
said
everyone was there 
when she saw gary's 
youngest sister's family
pull into his driveway...
and gary heard and believed
it was, finally, okay to
go.

like...

when gary's puppy, max,
went crazy as the backdoor opened
releasing gary's spirit
from the house.

like...

when gary's brother
headed back up to the house
(not knowing gary was gone)
saying he felt what he believed to be
gary's spirit brush by his face.

~@~

i remember all those things
and more...

love and GOD's blessings,
dani xxx

happy birthday, taunya...

i call this masterpiece...

THE FAB FIVE

(and two cheerleaders)

when i was growing up i never had sisters.

however, when i went away to college,

God blessed me with four!
from left to right:
susan, ginny, jeanne, and taunya

we were family.

we lived together.

we laughed together.

we loved together.

~@~

today is taunya's birthday

(she is the one with the birthday hat;)

so, today i am going to celebrate...

TAUNYA!

~@~

 although taunya and i went to high school

together, we never really knew each other

until our freshmen year in college.

i remember her coming up to my dorm room

the friday night of parents' weekend.

(our parents had decided not to come until saturday morning)

so, while everyone else was out with their parents,

taunya and i talked and talked and talked.

we got to know pretty much everything about 

each another.

we became fast, great friends.

26 1/2 years later...

i consider her to still be one of my very best!

~@~

taunya and i have been through the best of times

and the worst of times.

the best of times

found us...

being ΛΧΑ little sisters together,

cohabiting with 4 other girls in a shotgun-house 

(with only one bathroom, a piano on the front porch,

sitting next to a boot store with a life-size horse on its awning),

road-tripping to florida with a bunch of ΑΤΩ's,

falling in love,

getting married,

and having babies.

~~~

the worst of times

found us...

tragically losing young, loved ones

way too soon.

~@~

our friendship has withstood the test of time.

i thank God for letting me stumble upon you,

t!!!

love and God's blessings,

d xxx

a sense of humor (lenten bloopers)...

at that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. (luke 10:21)

just sharing me 

laughing at myself...

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

that and this...

there's that...

at the end of last semester,

katherine declared her major.

she decided she would like to teach

at the elementary level.

so, last monday was her first day

in the classroom at evansville's

harper elementary.

she was there only minutes

before being proposed to by carlos.

carlos is a darling, little, curly-headed boy

who happens to be a student in the first grade class

in which she has been placed.

i asked her if she accepted his proposal.

she said she told him she was too old for him.

that didn't deter little carlos though...

poor little boy with a teacher crush;)

~@~

and then there's this...

i usually give up something for lent like

sugar, chocolate, etc...

or go on a fast of some sort.

however, after realizing that valentine's day

and a planned sleepover fell in the days

after lent started,

i knew better than to do that.

so, i failed to plan anything for lent this year.

after a weekend of feeling badly for my lack of planning,

i decided to try to do something instead of nothing.

i decided, better late than never.

therefore i prayed about it and came up

the idea to video blog my walk with God.

hence...

i have a new video blog entitled,

my lenten project.

i'm only 4 days into it.

if you would like to catch up

you may click

HERE.

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

are you breathing?

john can be the warm, fuzzy type.

but it doesn't come really naturally to him...

nah, i don't think so.

~@~

thursday, december 10, 1992, 10:30 pm:

me: uh, john, i think i'm having contractions.

john: mel gibson's on leno tonight.

me: no, really, you probably need to take me to the hospital.

john: hell dani, you're not going into labor.  

just roll over and go to sleep.

me:  i'm not kidding.

john:  if i take you up there, they'll just send us home.

me: (laughing) i'm getting up and taking myself then.

~~~

thursday, december 10, 1992, 10:45 pm:

john: what are you doing.

me : i'm putting on my clothes.

john: dani, you're not in labor.

~~~ 

thursday, december 10, 1992, 10:46 pm: 

me (standing in a pool of amniotic fluid): well, my water just broke.  are you going to take me to the hospital now?

john: shit.

~~~

friday, december 11, 1992, 12 am:

john: do they have something to read?

me: the nurse said there were some magazines over in the corner.

john finds a golf magazine,

brings it to my bedside,

places it on my belly,

and proceeds to flip through the pages.

~~~

friday, december 11, 1992, 3 am:

me: will you go get the nurse?

i need something for pain.

john: she'll be back soon.

me: please, go get the nurse.

john: are you breathing?

me: what do you mean,

am i breathing?

john: you know, like they told you to do in lamaze...

me: yes, i am breathing,

not like they taught me in lamaze!

lamaze is bullshit!

go get the nurse!!!

john makes his way to the hall,

looks both ways,

returns to my bedside,

and informs me "the nurse"

has told him there's nothing she can give me.

~~~

friday, december 11, 1992, 5 am:

me: surely they can give me something for this pain...

john: can you hear that woman down the hall?

sounds of screaming, yelling, and gnashing of teeth come from the hall.

me: yes, will you go ask the nurse if i can have some pain meds yet?

john: i think they are all in with the other woman.

can you focus on something

and breathe?

me (thinking to myself): no, but i can give you something to focus on,

mr. berrong:/

~~~

friday, december 11, 1992, 9:24 am:

dr. sprague: big push, one more time!

john: i can see her head!

me: (pushing)

dr. sprague: here she is!

look at all that hair!

john: well, that was a piece of cake:)

me: grrr

~@~

happy 20th birthday to our "piece of cake"!!!

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

a trickle of consciousness and it's facebook's fault...

yesterday i sat thinking that i needed to resume my mosses mondays.  i looked back to see where i had left off in our story; and after finding it, copying the end text of that excerpt, and pasting it at the beginning of a new one (like i always do), i sat staring at a virtually blank screen. 

i needed pictures for it...

pictures i don't have.

so, i stopped, logged out of blogger,

and rejoined facebook already in progress.

~@~

i know, one of these days, my great grandchildren are going to be reading my blog and wonder, "what the heck happened to 'sugar' (what i want my grandchildren to call me;)?"

well, kids, if you're here

and are wondering...

it's called, facebook;

facebook is what happened to ol' sugar!

~@~

true story:

i just clicked over to fb

(perhaps out of habit;)

and my friend, hope, had just updated her status 

by sharing,

"being a good writer is 5% talent and 95% not being distracted by the Internet."

it just happens!

i believe when china catches up with us in social media,
we'll catch up to them in math;P

~@~

so anyway, kids, when i get the photos i will get on with the business of blogging

again...

i hope.

love and God's blessings,

dani xxx

be still VII...

they allowed the world

to see the miracle

GOD was working through

their little boy,

and they did this selflessly...

~@~

on wednesday evening

i sat in our den organizing

"thumbs up for lane"

photos.

i took a break,

grabbed a diet coke,

and checked my facebook account...

angie wrote,

"Lane is surrounded by lots of family. I am very thankful that he is not in any pain. His BP has dropped and his breathing is very heavy. We don't know if we have a few min or hours left and our hearts are Heavy but my biggest blessing in life is that God choose me to be his and Landen's mommy."

~@~

i prayed,

"THY will be done..."

i hoped,
"come on, GOD...
come on, GOD...
come on, GOD..."

then i remembered lane's prayer.
it was not for GOD to make lane better.
it was to bring childhood cancer awareness
to others that a cure be found.

~@~

then the news no one wanted to read came...

"At 7:53 pm our sweet Lane gained his Angel wings. Our hearts are broken but God has performed a World Wide Miracle through Lane over the past few weeks. Please continue to pray for our family especially Lane's little brother Landen."

when i reached the end of angie's update,

all i could think was

be still

and

know

I

am

GOD

~@~

lane's funeral service will be streamed live

today at 3:30 pm cdt.

click

HERE

for the link.

and please keep the goodwins

in your thoughts and prayers:)

love and God's blessings,  dani xxx
ps. spread the WORD, and make others aware of the fact that childhood cancer research needs more attention!!!