Wednesday, June 18, 2008

a hearse on the lane???

i haven't been out of my pajamas much lately, right...

well, a few minutes ago maggie started whining (it was the "i have to go outside... really badly... to take care of ALL my business" whine).

so, i got out of bed, slid my feet into john's house slippers, leashed her, and out we went.

she went straight out and took care of the first of the order of business. then we went around to the side yard where she likes to smell around and check to see if i'm going to let her go to visit our neighbor. (i wasn't visiting anyone this morning!!! i had bed-head, hadn't yet brushed my teeth, had no bra on... you get the picture...)

about the time we got to the side of the house, one of the staff at the mansion across the lane pulled to the end of the estate's driveway and turned off his lawn mower. maggie started barking hysterically!!! ISH!!! (i tried desperately to get her to stop barking with no avail. she wanted the man to come over and play with her so badly she could taste it!!! thank goodness he didn't oblige her:/


(he just sat there, right in the middle of the drive above, staring. maggie, of course, was still barking. he waved. i waved back to him. he took a big gulp of something out of a white jug. maggie was still barking her head off at him.)

"did he run out of gas??? omgosh, can he see through my t-shirt (poor guy, ha!!!)??? what the fudge is he doing???" were the thoughts i had running through my head.

maggie was STILL barking at him; so, i directed her to the other side of the yard. she got about 10 feet from the lane and FINALLY started to take care of the second order of her business.

it was at that very moment, i glanced up (in what felt like slow motion) to see that a funeral procession car had stopped traffic at the end of the lane. a hearse pulled onto our street!!

there we stood... me looking like i've already mentioned and maggie all arched back getting ready to POOP (there, i said it. that's what she was about to do!!!), and, at that point, there was no stopping her:o

first, let me say that a funeral procession has NEVER used "the lane" to get from the funeral home to any cemetery in town. however, (it was then that it dawned on me) the mother of the father of the family that lives in the mansion across the lane died a few days ago. i suppose the funeral procession came up the lane for that reason. he must have also informed his staff... THAT is why his worker had turned off the lawn mower... OUT OF RESPECT!!!

NO ONE INFORMED ME!!!

thus, there maggie and i stood... a sight frozen in time for at least a third of the procession to see.

WE WERE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD!!!

did i say maggie was taking the longest poop of her life??? she was, indeed!!!
did i say that my hair looked like a rat's nest??? yes, it did!!!
did i say that i had on CHRISTMAS flannel pajama bottoms with a thin polo t-shirt??? yes, that too!!!
and finally... did i say that i live in a small town where everyone knows everyone??? yes, i do...

i know one thing... i will NOT go out in my front yard, looking THAT way again!!! at least not until the next time maggie needs to go out and potty...

i mean, "lightning never strikes twice in the same spot"!!!
isn't that how the old adage goes???


love and blessings,
dani xx

39 comments:

Dana said...

Well, you know everyone---for some bizarre reason--will continue to stare at a dog going poop. Hopefully, they were looking the other way toward the mansion...:) (Did you complete the picture by scratching your belly and/or behind?) l,d

dani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dani said...

i certainly hope not, d:/
i yanked her in as quickly as i could...
l,
d

beachbeanb said...

Maggie knew she had to go for a reason!!! Dog sense.....

Amanda said...

You crack me up Dani!!
And you stay next to a mansion???
BTW the picture of the mansion looks like it could be haunted!
l,
Amanda xx
(thanks for the laugh, i have created a vision of you in my head with you in your xmas P.J's And maggie's back arched! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!1

dani said...

well, beachbeanb... she DOES like being the center of attention, lol!!!
love,
dani

dani said...

i'm telling you, amanda... it was not a good look for either of us:/
when the bereavement dinner is finished (at the mansion), i will get out and take a picture of the actual house. the photo i have up is an old one that i took of the flowers.
i don't think that house is haunted, but we do have two in town that have been touted as being... i'll save those for another blog, ha!!!
love you, a!!!
dani

Amanda said...

Can't wait till you do a post about haunted houses. I love a good ghost story, especially about haunted houses. Maybe if poss, could get photos of the haunted houses that you know about in town? Without getting caught!! Wouldn't want you to get into trouble for being a peeping tom!
Love Amanda x

Tabitha said...

Oh Dani ~ that is totally hilarious ~ thank god I didn't have coffee in my mouth this time ~ I still haven't stopped laughing yet!! I just cannot get that image out of my head ~ that is just the funniest thing I have heard!!!
That kind of thing happened to me once, when I was taking my ex husband to the ship (he is in the navy), and I had bed head was wearing my pyjamas etc (it was 4 in the morning!!), and I got stopped by the Police ~ think my winnie the pooh pj's did the trick, I was soon on my way tee hee!!!!
love you ~ Tabitha XXX

dani said...

i'll get the pictures... i know the people who live in the houses.

dani said...

lol, tabitha... is whinnie the pooh your hero, now??? how funny:D
love,
dani

Shannon said...

I'm shoving popcorn in my mouth as I am reading your blog. It's like being at the movies....wanting to know whats going to happen next.

Thanks for a great laugh.

dani said...

shannon,
can you believe it??? i never have to wonder long what i'm going to write about... and, i am leading a seemingly MOST boring life, ever!!!
popcorn sounds good:b
l,
d

Leslie said...

thank you for what you say...
i am grateful.

dani said...

you are so welcome, sweet leslie:)
love,
dani

linda said...

Just stopping by your site and thought I'd leave a comment...hope you don't mind.

I love your story, too funny! It truly sounds like it could have been me and my little guy Jake. Jake does a little "doggie dance" when he's ready to do his thing...he goes around and around in circles until he finds JUST THE RIGHT SPOT. We would have been a sight to see too!

dani said...

hi, linda...
stop by anytime:D maggie is a before she does her thing pacer, lol!!! she was mid-last-pace when i caught the procession out of the corner of my eye.

Kellan said...

Okay - this is the funniest story I have read in weeks - ACK!! You poor thing - but, it was funny - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Have a good day tomorrow - see you soon - Kellan

dani said...

kellan,
i bet the procession thought it was pretty funny, too.. NOT!!!
you have a great day as well:D
love,
dani

rhonda said...

i am so cracking up...the e....g family probably thought it was funny too!!!! well, one of the brother's did anyway...

r

dani said...

r,
h...y sees the sight on a regular basis, hah!!! but, he had probably been praying that the procession would miss us, today...
l,
d

PhotoChick said...

Oh I really shouldn't laugh at others' expense, but this is just TOO funny! Oh, I can totally picture something like this absolutely happening to me! It's bad enough when I'm running around in my junk clothes and Liv decides that she HAS to out RIGHT NOW (yes, my daughter LOVES the outdoors. I'm convinced she'd live out there if I'd let her!) I've gotten some funny looks from people driving along, but I'm like "Hey kiss my tush - this is my house and I haven't technically left it! I'll look good if I have to get going somewhere." Right-o? Tee-hee! Gosh, I love ya Dani!

Take care and God Bless!
Love Amanda

dani said...

laugh away... amanda, i mean no disrespect for the dead (i'm one of those who pull over on the side of the road when a funeral procession goes by out of respect. i sit there all teary eyed.) but, looking back on yesterday morning, i cannot help but laugh myself:D it was awful, but it was funny, too!!! whew-wee!!! and maggie justs cracks me up anyway:d
love,
d

Tanya said...

Oh Dani!! so I'm not the only one who gets caught out LOL. Do you think they saw you & Maggie???? I'm sorry but this is just what I needed to brighten my day (ok it's actually 8PM) I love your stories Dani... you always seem to be getting up to something! Hope Miss Katherine is enjoying her summer break... with all her mama's antics I'm sure she is!!! Anyway your Thursday is just beginning & mine is coming to an end... hope your Thursday is a great one with no embarrassing moments lol.

Take care gorgeous girls!!!!

Love,
Tanya xxxx

My mum is here until Sunday!!!

Lucy said...

Hi Dani,
Now I know why Elise always reads your blog and every now and again LOL and spurts her drink over her computer screen. At least it took their minds off the sadness they were experiencing and probably thought, “Life still goes on.”
Thank you so much for your kind words. I fell blessed and am very thankful for my gorgeous and loving family who is still growing. I have thoroughly enjoyed making the enhancements now that I know a smidgen more of blog land.
Elise has reluctantly agreed to have me add just one or two picture of our new treasure Minnie Boy Blue to my blog. You are most welcome to come and visit to check out his arrival announcement. It will be very difficult for me to refrain myself from going totally crazy. I have been known to be a ‘little’ over the top.Thank you for your kind words and thoughts for the little family.
Take care, kind regards and many thanks. Lucy XXXXOOOO

Jennifer H said...

Maybe you helped give them a smile on their faces, if just for a moment. Maybe?
This story cracks me up. I think the Christmas PJ's more than anything else. I'm the same way!

dani said...

hey, tanya...
we were, unfortunately, definitely seen:/ we were just feet from the first few cars that passed, sigh!!!
ha!!!
i'm happy i "brightened" your night:D
and, yes, katherine is having a very good summer, she spent the night with her friend, hannah, last night. the house was weirdly quiet...
sleep tight:D
love,
dani
ps i AM staying out of all trouble today (i think it getting ready to storm)!!!

dani said...

hi, miss lucy)
sometimes the darndest things do happen to me, ha!!! i just never know what the day will hold; but i do enjoy life and finding the joy in living the one with which i've been blessed:D
speaking of blessing... i am looking VERY forward to your "blue" enhancements:) elise has friends all around the world on "baby watch" who are all waiting, waiting, waiting... we all love her!!!
and love to you too,
dani
ps sweet dreams, miss lucy:)

dani said...

jennifer, i hope so...
so, you wear your Christmas pj's year-around, too:D i have a feeling we are a lot alike... well, other than the fact that you are a fitness queen... and i, well, am not:b
have a great day!!!
love,
dani

Little Sweethearts said...

I read your post at work today and it made me smile for the rest of the day! What a sight you must have been ;)

Hugs,
Tania

dani said...

i'm so happy it made you smile, tania:D maggs and i were VERY UNpretty, HA!!! i hope it did the same for the funeral procession:)
love,
dani

Robin said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !! I'm sorry about your neighbor but that is soooooo funny! I'm glad those things don't only happen to me!!!

dani said...

ha!!! robin, i'm glad they don't only happen to ME!!!
l,
d

E and T said...

Hi Dani

Oh to live in your shoes, how interesting (and absolutely hilarious) life would be.

I can imagine that feeling of slow motion as the procession drove by and the thoughts that would have been popping into your head.

It's a good thing you keep a blog, your memoirs deserve to be passed down to future generations to keep them laughing for years and years to come.

Lots of love
Elise

dani said...

elise,
i can still picture it in slow motion, myself. (dani shakes head at herself in shame...)
i just hope my future generations find it humorous:o
love,
dani

Wendi said...

Your life is simply full of bloggable moments Dani! :) Gad you share 'em! :)

dani said...

wendi,
to not get out much... it surely is:D
love,
dani
ps...i am thinking of you often:)

Purple Teacup said...

ROTFL

dani said...

exactly, shannon:DDD
l,
d