(i look at this picture of her, and it makes me want to be able to hug her tightly and never let go!!!)
today would have been my mamaw's 80th birthday; i cannot even fathom that she has been gone for 11 years... sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday that i lost her and can hardly breathe... other times it seems like she's been gone forever, and i miss her like crazy... and then at times it seems like she was just a most wonderful dream God sent to me one night.
i know all grandmothers are special; my grandmommie meant the world to me as well!!!
but, there was this one time when i was 16 that i realized what i meant to my mamaw and what she meant to me. i was hospitalized; and i guess i had fallen asleep with my mom in the room. while i was sleeping my mamaw came in to my room to see me.
i remember awakening; but mom and mamaw didn't know i was awake. i overheard my mamaw, through tears, tell my mom that if something happened to me and i died, she wanted to die too. she didn't want to live in this world without me...
i pretended to be asleep as tears rolled out of the sides of my closed eyes. at the same time that my heart was breaking because she was afraid of losing me, it was also singing. i always knew my mamaw loved me... i even knew that she loved me to the moon and back (and the love was mutual). but, to hear her say that she literally loved me more than her own very precious life... there are no words that i could type right now that could even touch the kind of blessed i felt.
mamaw lived to see me graduate high school and college, me get married, me give birth to katherine, and katherine start pre-school... and then on a night in late august, 1997, she flew to heaven.
to this day i believe she made sure that God would show me the love He had for me to fill that huge void her leaving me left. and He did!!! He let me grieve and then He came and showered me with the same unconditional love i had known from her. i have been totally blessed since then and very at peace that she is in a good place with the One that can love her back the same way i did until i can be with her and Him.
*****i cannot leave on a total sad note, though. in celebrating the life she lived and her humor i must tell a quick story. katherine was about 18 months old. john and i were going to a wedding, and mamaw told me she could stay at her house while we went. when john and i got there to drop her off we were in such a hurry, i forgot to take in her diaper bag
(she was still wearing pampers).
when we returned 3 or 4 hours later katherine greeted me at her door with a t-shirt and a make-shift diaper. it dawned on me that i'd forgotten to leave her diaper bag, which was still sitting in the back of the van.
"oh, mamaw..." i started, "i am so sorry!!!"
my grandmother said, "that's ok, we made due. but i think she's wet again."
i ran out and got her diaper bag so that i could change her. when i came in i picked her up and took her to mamaw's bed and she lay down on her back. i pulled up her t-shirt and started laughing so hard i truly thought i was going to wet myself as well!!!
mamaw had taken one of her(mamaw's) pairs of panties, laid them flat under katherine's bottom, placed an adhesive maxi-pad a little higher than the crotch of the panties, pulled the crotch up between her legs, crossed the sides over, and pinned them with a big safety pin!!! now, if coming up with all that ain't love, i don't know what love is!!! funniest darn thing i've ever seen...*****
i just thank goodness katherine doesn't remember what she's missing; it would doubly break my heart...
love and God's blessings,